Friend got together with ex and now they're having a kid together. How to handle?

[Londonmamabychance]

I know this is in a way a strange thing to ask others, because it mainly has to do with my emotions. Still, I feel I need to get a bit of a wider opinion on this.

So long story short, my best friend got together with my ex from a 4 year long relationship, whom I left now 7 years ago. He kind of broke my heart by cheating on me and I had a hard time moving on from him, even though I was the one who left him. Something my friend was aware of. I am now happily married with one kid and another on the way, so it's not like I'm pining for the ex in question, but we never reconciled after quite a dramatic and abrupt break up with consisted of me leaving the UK and going back to my native country in order to break up with him. I later returned to UK where I met my now husband. My friend lives in my native country and she only got in touch with said ex because he went there for a weekend trip, and in prep for it contacted me out of the blue after all those years and asked for tips and if it was okay for him to meet up with some of my friends, including said friend. I said of course and gave him loads of tips. Subsequently (two months after) my friend emailed me and told me they'd fallen in love and were dating long distance. And that she hoped I would be happy for them. She showed no understanding that I may find the situation weird or difficult. I told her I wished the best for their future together but that it was too weird for me to hang around their relationship. Subsequently my ex called me up and had a go at me for not accepting the situation, and indirectly accused me of being unhappy in my own life and for that reason not being happy for them. Which is neither here nor there and also absolutely not true. The whole conversation was very aggressive and a proper row which reminded me what a d* he can be. It also sounded to me
Like he had unresolved issues with me.

Now my friend mails me and tell me that she knows that I asked not to be involved, but that she felt it would be too weird if I heard it from other mutual friends that they're expecting a baby together. In many ways I'm not surprised as I had a feeling this may happen given she has been desperate to meet a man and start a family for years, something I always genuinly wished for her and supported her in. I always told her to try and go for better guys than the problematic
Ones she had a tendency to choose. I just never expected she'd go for this particular ex of mine.

I fee so sad about the whole situation, because I feel happy for her that she is finally having the child she wanted for so long and has apparently found love, but I also fee strange that it's with him. Also I fee doubtful their relationship
Last, them now expecting a baby, from what I can calculate she must have got pregnant after them being together for only 3 months. Also I know his personality and hers and am surprised they can make it work at all, and me even sitting here and passing judgment on them and their chances of making it together feels completely wrong, but it's so hard not to.

I also fee sad because she is my best friend and it would be wonderful for us to have babies at the same time and be able to share this. We have been friend since we were 15. So I really want to find a way to overcome my negative emotions about this. I think my main negative emotion is that my ex treated me like shit and I chose to leave him and get him out of my life, and now I have no choice but to accept him back into my life, even if it's only on the outskirts of it, if I want to keep my friend in my life. I also feeL that it will be very difficult for me to remain neutral in conversation with her if she would start talking about him. And how can you be friends and not talk about your resiinship? But I also fee that I am perhaps being small minded and selfish to even feel upset about it, when they are apparently happy and in love and have now decided to have a family together! Any advice on how to proceed?

I say, it's better she's pregnant by your ex than your FIL And that you've probably outgrown her. Sounds like she and your ex have been in a bubble of long distance, forbidden, dramatic lurve and you have served nicely as a prop in that - oh how upset will London be, we shouldn't be doing this, it's so naughty, we don't want to hurt her but our lurve is so wonderful etc. Being in contact with you and hearing you have feelings - any feelings - about it is giving them something to feed off.

Drop the rope, stop getting in contact.

Discomike, think you're spot on st least that's what I've been thinking too but feel
Mean thinking it. Maybe this really is the love of their lives and they'll stay together and all will be well, I have to hope someone the baby's sake. I got back to my friend with a breezy and friendly congrats again and that all her plans sounds exciting, and she replied that if ever I wanted to catch up again during her mat leave in London that would be nice. Can't figure out if she's just pretending that she doesn't realise I probably don't want to see her again, or if she really thinks there's a potential for continued friendship and by now I don't care. I say good riddance and thanks all for your support! Ps: if you have one of those friends you don't quite ever fully trusted, you're probably right, and better rid yourself of them before they cause you too much trouble ; )

The key thing is that he treated you so badly. By ending up with him she is telling you that that doesn't matter to her. You can't really continue to be friends if that's the case.
I wouldn't dream of getting together with anyone who had treated my best friend like shit. Why on earth would I want to do that? for you, it sounds difficult.

Yeah, it sounds like a train wreck in slow motion. Then guess who will be blamed when their relationship implodes? Not either one of them, but you. You will be a common target, presenting a sort of free pass on accountability (and you already know he isn't reliable) because you introduced them, you said it was ok for them to be together, etc. (as if that had anything to do with any part of their relationship).

She is a fool to not learn from your relationship with him. Just saying: he cheated on you-he'll eventually cheat on her. I certainly wouldn't want to be around when that happens (6 months or 6 years on).

Imho, I don't think it is so much that you have yet to resolve the hurt of the past; it is that they are rubbing your nose in it as though you are the odd one out. School yard taunting.

They are having entertainment at your expense. Especially the triangulation attack from you being honest with your friend-it wasn't what she wanted to hear (how dare you not fit into her template for you) so she basically gossiped your conversation to your ex and triggered his reflexive nasty verbal spanking towards you. Once is enough of that. Anything you say to her would go straight to him, always.

Nope. Disconnect is the best answer.

You are very smart to re-evaluate the maternity leave at the same time in London circumstance. To have once presumed it would be the greatest time together is a nice thought. But the reality of the situation is in your brain-trust that instinct. You do not need her in any way, shape, or form; you are not obligated to her; you owe her nothing.

Step away in good conscience. She/they can use someone else for their ego supply.