Car and DHs reaction

[shockedandupset1]

I have name changed but feeling absolutely awful.

My car is being serviced and borrowed DH which is old and a lot bigger than mine. I am a careful driver and it was fine. Got back home and was backing car into drive (as I cannot get out easily in morning. All fine but there was a pedestrian waiting to walk past so stupid me managed to scrape the car on our high wall at side of drive because I panicked and went back so he could get by. In hindsight I should have ignored him as he was waiting but it was off putting.

I pranged the car and dh has sworn at me calling me a C...NT. I feel absolutely devastated and I cannot apologise enough. I've offered to pay for a respray, give him my car or even buy him a new car. I have some savings.

My ds has
home so no one to talk to. I feel useless and said to him that I wish I was dead. I can't stop crying. My dh is always horrible if something gets damaged or broken. He is abusive and makes me feel crap about myself.

I know he has every right to be angry and it was a silky mistake.

OP, my darling, nobody should live this way. He's turned you into a jittering wreck. Start planning your escape - it is completely wrong to fear a partner like this- you pranged his car, that's all. I once crashed into DH's car. He managed not to call me a cunt. I wasn't scared of his reaction.

My DH wrote my car off on Friday. It's a pain in the backside, it will cost us money we don't really have and is making my life harder. All I've said to him is that it doesn't matter, it's just a car even if I'm a bit annoyed as it was his fault

He's a tosser of the highest order. This should be the final straw. You deserve so much more than this. Good luck OP.

You offered to buy him a new car because you scraped his car? That makes it sound like your head is in a crazy crazy place.

Yeah, having your car scraped is annoying, but you go down to the garage and get it sorted quickly and cheaply.

You escalating to offering to give him your new car or buying him a new car is bonkers. Totally bonkers.

It smacks of utter utter desperation to make him stop being angry with you. Are you completely terrified of him?

Don't buy him a car!! Spend that money on a solicitor and divorce the nasty fucker.

His reaction is totally unreasonable, OP.

My H managed to mash my car down the side of a bus. (It was actually the bus driver's fault, as he assumed my H would get out of the way. A more experienced driver probably would have.) We were insured but didn't have courtesy car cover, so it was a pain for me getting to work for a few days while it was being fixed. My reaction was "It's okay, nobody's hurt."

Then about 6 months later he managed to write it off... by hitting a bus. The man was a magnet for buses He was so apologetic and upset. Again, my reaction was "It's okay, nobody was hurt. It's a pain but everyone is okay and that's what's important."

That's what a reasonable reaction would be. Not to call you a cunt.

I get the feeling this may be a "straw that broke the camel's back" moment. What do you feel you want to do now?

To me it looks like he's trying to create a situation where you end things

Do you often have to account for your movements and schedule?
Just all sounds a bit controlling and undermining.

Doesn't sound a normal reaction. Its just a car. It can be fixed.

Is he always like this? Simmering under the surface ready to explode?

I once reversed smartly out of the garage and straight into dh's car which was on the drive, thereby damaging both cars in one fell swoop. There is no way that he would have behaved in the way your DH did.

Don't let him grind you down; his unreasonable behaviour must be making you feel terrible.

Yes it's always under the surface and he plays mind games, he does grind me down.

I took the car today and was fine, I made sure i didn't look at damage. I think I may see my GP and have counselling. He makes me feel crap about myself.

I have a relative who will look at it.

A solicitor might help too...

Why are you with him? He sounds horrendous!!

Have you thought seriously about leaving him? I know it's not easy but this situation must be damaging your mental health.

pocketsaviour on a completely lighter note, your DH's bus problem puts my bollard problem into perspective! Although I did actually crash into a boat the other day... so maybe not

It was an ACCIDENT you didn't do it on purpose to piss him off

I'd only been living with DH for a few weeks when I reversed his car off our drive (which was wide enough to get a bus through!) and hit the pillar ... he shrugged it off, it happens

He's still going on about it now but I have called him out. He asked me why I haven't bought the paint but I think I need to consult a relative.

He keeps saying about how I did it on purpose.

He also questioned why I made myself something to eat last night.

He is cooking so I am staying out the way.

Think of 10 reasons to stay with this bastard. I don't know him, but I'll give you 10 to leave, based upon your posts:

He's emotionally abusive
Financially abusive
You're scared of him
He calls you abusive names
He makes you question basic decisions about your life, ie the meal last night
He plays mind games
He grinds you down
He makes you feel crap about yourself
He's always been mean
He makes you feel suicidal

Can I gently suggest that you don't begin your list with "I love him".

An abusive arsehole behaves the way your DH has. A good decent man who truly loves and cares for you does not behave like that in any shape or form.

It may be where you live rush hour is an absolute nightmare but the fact you mention you'd done well by driving through rush hour suggests your confidence in yourself is shot. I would imagine because your DH belittles you at every opportunity.

Does he make you feel loved, cared for, valued, cherished? Or is everything you do wrong or not good enough and warranting criticism? Just a few questions to ask yourself.

No one should make you feel like shit. Please take care of yourself

I tried to go over a too high curb today and managed to wedge the car. Ripped the engine cover to pieces, bumper came loose and bent side skirt. Dh came and removed what was left of the engine cover and clipped the bumper back on whilst I was at a school function. I apologised on the phone and he has said nothing more about it. Your dh is an arsehole.

I pranged the car a few months ago and DH said "What are you like, you big div?" and that was it. And that is not unusual. We all make mistakes, we don't deserve to be flagellated for them.

It's not normal, it's not healthy, your self worth is being eroded by this man. You are worth more, MUCH more. Please leave, asap.

My exh turned into a horrible, horrible man in the last few years of our marriage but he never once called me the c word.

I'd have taken a cricket bat to him if he had.

I was driving my current husband's car for the first time as he cant drive any longer and I was reversing out between gate posts with difficulty and he said the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me ( including my marriage proposal which was pretty spectacular)

I don't mind if you hit it.

Well, I was determined then that I wasn't going to do that and got it out safely then and countless other times too.

He's shown you exactly what he thinks of you dear op....now show him where the door is.

This is not a nice man and trust me, he will not improve...and I say that as a veteran of a 30 plus year marriage to a man who had a hasty temper and when he decided I needed replacing began to show me what he's really like.

It wasn't pretty.

Jesus! Has he never made a mistake in his life? And what's all this shit about you fancying the pedestrian? Has he accused you of this sort of thing before? DON'T buy him a car.

Yes, he's always jealous. He's being a bit better but I've been really cool with him as I've had enough.