Obsession. And what to do about it?

[SuperFlyHigh]

Don't know why I'm posting to be honest. Can't be bothered to name change.

Have been internet dating for ages... Met a couple of nice men, had "relationships" now over past 2 months have had 3 Tinder dates all been disastrous.

I also had an obsession with a man I met and had 1 date with (yes 1 date) last summer, didn't help that he rang me up, texted, what sapped, sent pics etc... (Of his kids, where he'd been with them (holiday home etc). For some reason I like this man a lot (strong chemistry). I ignored him as of new year this year and it seemed to be going well until I found his number and just sent him a "hi" text and he replied out of the blue about a month later. Explained why he didn't date me properly originally but wanted to "stay in touch".

So we've been in touch over the summer, I've been away, planned to meet up then.... Nothing.

Why can't I get him out of my head?

I feel so 100% stupid about this. The tinder dates I've had "hope" about, as you do... But when they go pear shaped I'm back to Obession Man".

I'm probably venting here and also hungover. Which does not help obsession.

How do I get him out of my head? Should I stop Tinder? I feel like I'm destined to never meet someone but a few friends are like this with dating men who are my age.

Ps if I get abuse and judgment I'll hide the thread so please no nasty words.

Thanks.

It's probably because he rejected you.

I've met lovely guys who i lost interest in, but the ones who lost interest in me are the ones i obsess about. It's like there's unfinished business or something. In reality there isn't, it's just your brain trying to make sense of rejection. It's like a wee abandonment.

How to get over it? I guess just accept the reality of it.

Thanks Clopy yes I think because he rejected me, I feel, I don't know, hurt?

It does not help that he kept up the communication with me all last summer/autumn.

There isn't unfinished business either! In my head I know he's wrong for me...

It sounds like you're not used to rejection. It's really hard I know but let's face it, you probably will meet someone else who has a similar effect on you and you'll wonder why you were ever obsessed with this guy. So. Pick yourself up, delete, delete etc and get out there. Not sure why the tinder dates were disastrous but hopefully you've learnt from them. He's history. Next!

And he's now replied... I really need to delete

Ok so I got a response saying "who was this?"

I whatsapped back saying "who did he think it was?" Then he said "he'd got a new phone hadn't backed up all his iCloud contacts etc"

I then told him who I was and then said I think I'd leave him alone now... Got phone on airplane mode as don't want to respond. Obviously he's not been thinking about me and even if he had it'd be re our texts this month.

I'm over him now.

Thanks! Feel slightly upset but at least can move on.

tallwiv

The tinder dates, first one it was very hot, he struggled to talk to me, but was interested when we left each other... I'm not sure I can deal with someone who doesn't find it easy to talk to me!

The most recent tinder one, met in pub, I didn't ask him many questions, he was way smaller than I'd thought (wouldn't normally mind) but also his interests I hadn't asked about and there was hardly any chemistry.

Can't think offhand re 2nd one but we had a drink I think not much there so just left it...

Tinder is great for physical I.e. Face attraction but unless on profile you put likes and dislikes and you ask questions then it's hard if you meet someone!

The date from last night tinder too, nice enough man but too much like me - convo lurched very quickly from one topic to next, funny but almost too funny, very different to texts. And not enough there where I'd want to see him again. But I did ask about his interests!

Hardly disasters then, just all part of life's rich tapestry or something

I then told him who I was and then said I think I'd leave him alone now...

Why did you say that? Genuine q.

pp's are saying you're not used to rejection but it sounds to me you're terrified of rejection so head it off yourself (reject) before you're rejected.

Sorry love. It's a jungle out there

btw I give that excuse - that I've a new phone and haven't updated - when someone texts me who I've deleted. Just saying (sorry)

tallwivglasses they aren't disasters but normally I'd think about giving someone a second chance.

I think because it's tinder and you know little to nothing about the person unless you discuss via email it's not like eg match.com where you know if anything too much about the person!

I forgot, Obsession man has read my text which said "if he wasn't interested to say so" and hasn't read another one where I said I won't contact him again.

Strangely enough a newly single ex colleague of mine who fancied me like mad and is younger has messaged me... Nice enough man but maybe not for me if newly single!

Oh I know re the excuse of deleting springy he must have deleted me, God knows why because he was keen recently!