Cake,
re your comment:-
"Attila - thankyou I will have a read. My parents divorced and grew up with an emotionally abusive step dad and my mum kinda neglected us emotionally. I know it has a massive impact on me today"
That indeed would have a massive impact, that is what you learnt about relationships when growing up and why you have this "not good enough" feeling. Bet your nasty stepdad instilled that feeling in you as well. None of what happened to your parents is your fault; it really is not. It was not you who caused this to happen. There is a lot of online stuff and resources out there about feeling "not good enough". I would also consider talking about this with a counsellor as well; BACP are good and do not charge the earth.
And you are good enough cake, more than good enough actually. You need help to truly believe that though because you've been put down for a long time.
What Whimsical said about confidence as well.
Confidence isn’t about throwing your weight around or talking over people or always being the first to jump in. Confidence isn’t an attitude at all. You know that old expression about something being all in your head? Well, when it comes to confidence the opposite is true. Confidence is about the actions you take not the postures you strike.
Having confidence is taking action. We all want to do or try certain things but fear they are just beyond our reach and yet we worry about failing. Those nerves are normal – everyone has them. The difference between a confident person and an unconfident person is simply that the confident person acts on their ambitions and desires and who does let that fear of failure stop them.
And the notion of confidence as action is a virtuous circle. The more we act, the more our confidence grows. We try something, and the next time round we feel a little bit easier about trying it again. Even if we fail we have learned something valuable, namely that taking the risk of trying didn’t kill us. That’s useful, confidence building knowledge.