What do you get out of not having a partner?

[ravenmum]

After a long marriage to someone who didn't respect me I was alone for a year. Then, looking just for dates I found a lovely guy, but long distance. He was supposedly moving to my town soon. Now after a year and a half with no move and me getting suspicious if he was up to something I've broken it off, though hoping he might turn up again having moved...

A friend of mine who likes to have several men on the go at once and keep her options open (at age 47 like me!) now keeps wanting to couple me up. It's been just a few days!

Trying to explain why I think it's important not to rely on men for all your fun, but I'm not convincing even myself that it is better to be dateless for a while between partners.

Since the end of the marriage I've started doing various activities without a partner - group hiking, a theatre group, Zumba classes, cinema on my own, monthly dinner meeting - but I don't have close enough friends, and no family, to be able to just say "fancy going shopping/to a film/walking the dog together". That is the useful thing about being partnered up: you have a main person to do stuff with. I am self employed and work alone at home (happily), so not much daytime contact.

So what do you get out of being alone? What positive benefit is there? I know some people here are deliberately single, maybe they can tell me what it is I am overlooking?

Over five years single for me, after twenty year marriage, and a couple of long term relationships before that.

Upon reflection, I think I'm happier alone. I have friends but often choose to stay at home than go out with them, I need my own space, always have.

Even when I was in the 'madly in love' stage of relationships then marriage I found being with someone 24/7 very stifling.

I'm not lonely, but I was very lonely with my ex husband in the final years of our marriage, because the gulf between us was so wide.

I can't imagine being with someone again. I seem to lose myself in relationships and like being complete on my own

VirginQueen did you go on your own then? I've been on my own and ended up talking to people.

I've stopped thinking about finding someone and decided to just do the things I like. I bought a camper van and drive down to SW France on my own to go to a friend's birthday. Met some lovely people on the way who I possibly wouldn't have talked to had I been with a partner. I do hope to meet someone to share some things in life but I am no longer fussed about living with someone or getting married again. I thought I did but the reality is a bit too tiring. I've got energy for me and me alone at the moment.

It's quite nice to change the sheets, de-fuzz my legs for the odd night of passion. But I quite like changing the sheets and de Fuzzing just for me.

I think it's a mind set and for the first time in many years in ok about being on my own.

mathilda

Thank you. I really needed to read that today. Dd is 21 months, starts preschool in jan

I think most of what I love about being single (after an LTR that didn't go too well) has been said upthread.

Freedom, independence, the chance to really get to know & trust myself, far more confidence, only sharing my bed with the cat, being able to come home after a long day at work & be completely antisocial, being able to do things completely on impulse without having to fit in with anyone else.

I have plenty of friends but I know now that I'm happiest and strongest single.

I love being single and I think the main reason is because unless and until someone who I really, really like appears in my life, I don't feel the need to spend time with men who I don't like enough.

I just could not be bothered to faff about with the vast majority of men I come into contact with via OLD or even in RL.

I like my own company. I love the company of my few but really good friends. I love spending time with DS and the rest of my family.

I'd rather prioritise all of that over spending time with people who don't really add any value to my life and give me less time to see the people who do matter, or do the things I really enjoy.

You believe that anybody has the power to have a relationship and that if they're not in one they are choosing to be alone
I know from reading this forum a few years that some people here are not in a relationship because they prefer being single. And I'm not looking for a relationship right now, partly from a vague idea that being alone for a while is somehow character building and good for you. Now my friend is trying to couple me up with one of her spare men and I am wondering whether it is worth resisting - these answers have been useful to remind me that there are some benefits to having a break between relationships.

I don't think I am God's gift to the male sex and just have to snap my fingers when I want a partner, but I do think that if you really go looking then most people will find someone.

I've been thinking about the idea that the pickings are thin at my age. The thing is, I am the "pickings". Or at least, I'm available. But I'm not some sort of rubbishy leftovers, and neither are the available men.