DH shouting and swearing at DD

[Ellarose85]

I've just had to go downstairs and bring my 10 week old dd up to bed with me after hearing DH shouting and swearing at her for not settling.

He's stressed out, we've been arguing, he's never ever done anything like this before or given me any reason to worry.

There's no coming back from this is there?

Op so sorry to read this.

I think he is blaming you for his own problems. Was he drinking tonight? I suspect he was.

You aren't broken. You just feel it right now. Some day you will look back and think that was the day when the rest of my life started thank god.

Good luck. Confide in someone in real life. Things will get better. honestly. You deserve better.

yes lovely. are you safe now? if not what can you do to make you and the children safe?

get that exit plan sorted if all is ok at present.

delete your internet history as you go.

What a shock to go through all this when you have a baby to be thinking of too
He obviously has a lot of problems and is lashing out at you. Can you go stay with your best friend or your family soon?
I wish I could be of more help in some way

Oh my love sounds awful.
You need to plan your steps now it's clear your relationship is over.
Do you have older children?
Please contact women's aid - the comment you made about thinking he would have been violent if you hadn't been with your baby is worrying.
There are always people here to listen and advise.

Sweetheart, please listen to me. Call your parents and ask to come home. They'll probably be (silently) so happy that you did. They're going to know you're hurting and I have a feeling that 'I told you so' won't be the first thing that pops out of their mouths.

You say your family hate him. Don't you think they have good reason to considering the way he treats you? And honestly, wouldn't hearing a few 'I told you sos' be better than the horror you're living now? 'I told you so' can make you feel bad for a while, but the things he's saying to you cut your heart, don't they?

My first husband was abusive. My mum tried in her own way to tell me not to marry him. My pride, that fear of her saying 'I told you so', kept me in that marriage far longer than it should have. Don't make the mistake I did.

Hope you are OK op. Leave or ask him to leave asap - this is getting dangerous for you and your baby. Thinking of you.

Morning everyone, I decided to put my phone down and try to get some sleep last night, didn't really work.

He sent me a text to apologise this morning, I've not replied. He has told me before that he hates it when I text him about anything like this, I doubt he reads them to be honest and I don't think I'll be able to talk to him about things when he gets home as all I will be aware of is that he hates my voice.

DM has offered us to stay there which I will have to do until I get a long term plan sorted, her house is being renovated so isn't ideal for a toddler and a baby.

I've no idea where to begin to leave, I have zero money, the house and car is DPs (I know I referred to him as DH previously, it was something I did when I NC ages ago so that it might throw people off who know me in RL) we aren't married so I'm in a vulnerable financial state. My best friend lives in London which is a few hours away from me, she does have a spare room, not sure how her DP would feel about me rocking up with two small kids in tow but I will ask her.

God, what a mess.

Go to your parents, could they lend you some money to rent somewhere? Contact Women's Aid for advice on what to do next.

Ask your friend. You'd be amazed at what people will be happy to help with while you get on your feet. Also, maybe the council can help (though you might need women's aid to help pressure them).

My mum has literally ploughed her last penny into her new house since the breakdown of her relationship.

I haven't spoken to my dad in nearly 10 years.

I could kick myself for being so stupid and allowing myself to get in this predicament, he showed me who he was from day one but I chose to ignore it as I was so into him.

Can I ring women's aid if he hasn't been abusive? I don't want to use resources that could help women who really need their help.

He screamed at your baby - he HAS been abusive! Call WA.

Womens Aid can help you.
He has been abusive and when you talk to them you'll realise just how much.
They may be able to help you with housing, benefits, tax credits etc... as well.
Worth a chat at least!

Staying with him isn't improving your financial state. Leaving may. Even if your mum's isn't ideal I think you should go there. If you're working, is it a commutable distance to your work? If you aren't working then there really is nothing that's keeping you where you are, is there? Remember he'll still have to pay child maintenance. And that there may be benefits you're entitled to.

As far as your dad, does your rift have anything to do with your 'd'P? If it's been 10 years, I'm assuming not. But is this rift anything that you feel should or could be healed?

Don't kick yourself for being stupid. Use those feet to walk out instead.

... her house is being renovated so isn't ideal for a toddler and a baby.

But still a damned sight better than the abusive environment they're in now. Get strong, stay strong.

Don't kick yourself for being stupid. Use those feet to walk out instead.

I love this Across! Nicking it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like he has mental health/drink issues. Sorry if I missed it, do you own your home, would he leave for the sake of DCs do you think?

I think otherwise going to your mums might be the best bet. Don't feel stupid- we've all been there! You want to believe in someone, so you do. They don't always deserve that belief.

You are being abused, so you might be eligible for a place in a refuge. Also look up what benefits you are entitled to.

You could go to CAB to find out