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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Counselling

28 replies

illhaveabrew · 22/09/2016 15:52

Going to counselling as H has recently had an affair. Not sure what to expect, any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
Solongtoshort · 28/09/2016 23:39

Hi ladies, as it was only the consultation the reason that there is such a long wait is that there is a waiting list unfortunately.

I slept well and this morning l was thinking about last night and l felt like someone listened to me at least.

He rang me today to tell me that he really wants to work at it and he had been in touch with 3 other private counsellors but again they have waiting list, no wonder divorce rates are up 🙄. I want to work at it too though l don't want to give up on my family just yet.

illhaveabrew · 04/10/2016 19:06

Just wondering where everybody else is, still waiting for an appointment with relate (over 2 weeks?). Let him back, tbh need the support with DD and my health probs, all going fine but I get so angry sometimes at what he has done and find it hard not to take it out on him as I know it's not helpful in our road to recovery, but sometimes I can't help it.
Anybody got any advice for the interim period?

OP posts:
ExpatTrailingSpouse · 05/10/2016 15:47

brew - 'let him back', as in he's back in the house? or back together with you? for us, circumstances dictated staying in the same house, but i made it clear that this was not us back together - that would depend on progress with counselling and at home over time.

you're entitled to your hard feelings - and he as the cheater has to expect that to some extent. i think i wrote before, apparently average time to full recovery is something like two years at least... i have lots of hard feelings 16 months on! if your H is not showing remorse or bending over backwards to show you he is sorry and remorseful, and that he really wants this to work, that won't help you at all in your recovery (imo).

are you in separate rooms? if you are not sure about whether you even want to try staying together, you may want to keep your own space for now. Or... he needs to get his own place but come over to help with DDs regularly.

(And yes, realistically, it's very easy for people to say ltb, and don't worry you can take care of the kids, but in real life it's harder to do, and the thought of being a single parent may not be for you and therefore motivation to work harder at staying married).

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