DHs low sex drive and doesn't please me!

[Usernameless16]

Been with DH for 7 years now.

Sex life just isn't fun or enjoyable. He Hardly is ever in the mood. He withdraws if there's work stress(stressful job, I admit) if he's tired or if he has gained weight. Always has. This means we hardly ever have sex as there's always something.

I used to dress up and make a move on him, but the last time I did dress up and make a move, he rejected me on Valentine's Day and I have been too hurt to bother since. This was 2 years ago! So I wait for him to make a move on me each time. I never say no as I don't know how long it'll be till next time!

Also, when sex does happen, he doesn't touch me. No boob touching, eye contact or kissing on body or oral. Occasionally he will rub down there, but it's like he is scrubbing the pans with a Brillo pad or something. Hurts! But I don't say anything as I feel pleased he is trying.
I have tried countless times to explain how hurt this all makes me, but he gets so defensive the minute I bring up the conversation and turns it into an argument, telling me the way I bring it up is wrong, the timing of the conversations is wrong, basically I'm in the wrong for bringing up the conversation the way I do. No matter how I try to bring it up (nicely, gently, when I've been upset etc) I can't get it right. This feels like he's diverting attention from the issue by going on about how I bring it up, rather than the real issue!

He will never bring up the conversation himself, and despite numerous conversations he will try to please me the one time following the last chat and then it falls back into the usual barely any second and unsatisfying when it does happen. Also it's a catch 22 now-if he does do these things I feel he's just going through the motions and not enjoying it as he'd do it without prompting right? That stops me enjoying it!

Why should I have to ask him to do these things? Thought men enjoyed making their partners satisfied?


I give him oral and touch him each time, so it's not as if I'm all in it for me.

We argued again over this last night, and he says he does care if I enjoy it...so why does he so rarely show it?

To add we lost our baby son in a second trimester miscarriage 3 months ago. I'm a little all over the place still which isn't helping this issue

[Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016]

Would he be one try some herbal tablets? Some have a very good success rate!! If he is unwilling to try and put things right sex wise in your marriage then imo he isn't committed to your marriage. My ex was the same. I asked him to come to bed at 9 pm one night and he said he would never get to sleep that early!! I told him straight if he didn't bother to keep me happy I would find someone who would. He didn't.
So I did.
Be prepared to follow through if you hand out an ultimatum tho.