Being ridiculous

[fairydustandpixies]

I'm back again!

Since breaking up with my EXP earlier this month, we've stupidly been keeping in contact and even gone out on a couple of dates, last time being three days ago. Neither of us could decide whether or not to try again and I said lets give it a week to decide instead of just dragging things on.

We've been keeping in touch via text and last night it all blew up and now it's 100% over. I've blocked his number, his social media, I've unfriended his friends, I've deleted every message, text and photo I have.

Now I'm sitting here all alone at work because everyone else is working away, I've got no work to do, absolutely none. And all I'm doing is going over and over in my mind about what's happened, thinking about him and crying at my desk.

I know the break up is mostly my fault, I was insecure about his relationship with his ex and after my depression came back earlier this year, things got worse. We had so many plans and I've ruined them all because of this stupid illness and his inability to understand it.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting this, I suppose just a hand hold and to be told that everything will get better.

It will get better! You have been through a very bad time and it will take time to recover. There is nothing wrong with wallowing. Allow yourself to feel sad and let it all out . Then pick yourself up and press on. Life can be hard . It wasnt your fault you got ill so dont blame yourself and this time it just wasnt meant to be . But who knows what wonderful things are in store for you!

I hope you feel better soon and that things improve for you. Take care of yourself and all the best

Hope you are ok OP, you sound so sad.

Break ups are awful, but they do get better. Use this time to work a bit on your confidence, and if it's meant to be then it will happen.

xxx

Why were you insecure about his ex?

Thank you so much Flap and Funny. And I am sad, I'm heartbroken. We were so good until this happened. I just want to sleep and never wake up again.

Hot - they were super close, messaging all the time, discussing our relationship, shopping together, going to parties, etc. I know there was nothing there other than friendship and they have two DS together, but I just felt so uncomfortable. I was okay with it initially but as I became ill, he seemed to put her first instead of supporting me.

I'm so glad I've found MN, you're all such lovely people xx

Even if it is just friendship, I think most women would have a slight issue with a partner being so close to their ex. so if you already have underlying issues with confidence and depression, then something like that is likely to trigger negative feelings.

sending big hugs xxx

Well he shouldn't be discussing your relationship with his ex, so you're well rid imho

Thank you again Funny and to you too, Costa. I thought I was being unreasonable with their relationship so it's comforting to hear your opinions xx

Now I've done a stupid thing. This hurts so much - my boss phoned me and asked me to pick up something from a supplier (not something I normally do but I was more than happy to take a break from my lonely desk).

Picked up from supplier and decided to pop into home on my way back to pack up EXPs stuff (not much) and post it to him. Then I discovered DS1 (17) in bed asleep when he should have been in college. I'm such a failure! I made him get up and drove him back to college for the last 30 minutes but it's the principle of the thing.

Then I took my car back home, walked back to work (not far, I'm just lazy!) and took a bottle of vodka back with me. Now I'm drinking, crying and just don't know what to do.

Aww Fairy, you're having a bad day. so sorry.

I know it's sooo easy for me to say, but put the vodka down if you can.

I'm not really one the talk, as I turn to wine when im having a hard time, but It really doesn't help in the long run.

Don't beat yourself up over your DS. that's a typical teenager thing to do, and you did the right thing by taking him to college. I wish my mum had done that when I was skiving off! I might have actually done something with my life!! he will thank you one day xx

He was too close with her and discussing your relationship isn't acceptable. I wouldn't want that either.

OK. Step away from the vodka. It will make you feel worse.
Shopping together and going to parties together.
Sorry that's not ok and I'm not surprised you weren't happy about it.
Try to be kind yourself.

Totally agree with Hells. my (now) ex boyf got on well with an ex - it was his first love and we all grew up together. We used to bump into her occasionally and they would always hug, they had each others numbers etc, I was fine with that. if he had wanted to meet up with her, go shopping etc, I WOULD have a massive issue with that.

Ever considered that your depression returning could be connected to your exP's inappropriate closeness with his ex? You may find in time the depression eases. It's good that you have cut ties and contact, keep it up if you can, I suspect he will not make this easy as he has form for keeping in close contact. You have already experienced that he is one for texting and going on dates, even after a relationship is over, this is how he operates. Seems he can't let go and needs the continuing ego massage.
Don't let yourself end up competing for his affection with his ex, this is possibly what he wants.

Thank you all so much. Last night I went home, cooked for my two DS and went to bed. I feel much better after a good night's sleep (thanks in part to the vodka!).

Today is another day. I've brought my dog into work for company and a friend is popping by later. Having too much time on my own to think hasn't helped.

Yes, Open, I do think you're right. Although I haven't had a depressive episode for years, they're always triggered by something and I suspect what you've suggested is true.

So, onwards and upwards! Life goes on as they say...

Thank you for all taking the time to listen xx

Well you sound better today.
Stay positive.
You will get through this.

You're doing the right thing, especially if you suspect his behaviour was triggering your depression. Putting up with any behaviour that you don't feel comfortable with, is never good for your mental health, regardless of whether you're being reasonable or not. I don't think you were being unreasonable (if that helps). Look after yourself and spoil your dog (mine have always been great for giving unconditional love and support in return for treats )

Did you mean that yesterday you took the vodka to work?