What's your definition of gaslighting?

[ExpatTrailingSpouse]

For whatever reason, a lot of articles have been popping up lately about gaslighting, so just wanted to get opinions on what that means to everyone.

I've been thinking hard about it and by definition feel like I've been gaslighted in the past, but then wonder if I'm just being paranoid.

Any examples people care to share? I'd love to hear.

[ExpatTrailingSpouse]

user - that's a horrible story, i'm sorry to hear it. are your parents able to provide some sort of affidavit in court in support of your case regarding your DS? i hope you've got a HSL (or is it SHL?).

[user1475501383]

Thanks Expat. My parents have written a statement to the court where they do bring some of this up. I'm not sure they entirely are on board with XH's 'domestic abuse' of me - as I'm not sure I'm quite on board with it either! It seems so strange as we did have lots of lovely times too and he did support me loads on many occasions, so he's not a 100% classic domestic abuser, and it's hard for me to reconcile these facts or make sense of it..

What is HSL or SHL?

[ExpatTrailingSpouse]

I've seen it on other threads - hot shit lawyer or maybe shit hot lawyer? I can't remember which. I'm newish to mn and need to look up the acronyms constantly!

[keepingonrunning]

It's definitely SHL.
An HSL would be very unpleasant
user147 I'm so sorry to read your story. Nice/nasty times are part of a cycle of abuse. Put 'nice nasty cycle' into your search engine. I hope you get custody of DS soon and wish you well.

[MaryLennoxWasAnAspie]

HSL- Hot Shot Lawyer. The polite version, not often used on here.

[sykadelic]

My sister likes to tell tall tales, I wouldn't call it gas-lighting though because it's never said directly to me, just to other people to either garner sympathy, have people listen to her or get something out of it.

Examples:

1. When I got engaged to (now)DH she was upset that my ring had a bigger diamond. I distinctly remember sitting down next to her because she was crying (could even tell you where, what couch etc) and showing her that it just sat up higher and really hers was a bigger stone (because honestly I didn't care if it was bigger or not). I remember this exactly because I was pissed off and (then)DFiance was pissed off when I told him because I shouldn't have to belittle my ring to make her feel better. Some years later my sisters DH mentioned our "sibling rivalry" and used my "bragging" about a bigger ring as one of the example of it.
   

1. While at wedding rehearsal (just the bridal party at the church being told what the plan was) my sister told me I was behaving like a bridezilla because I (admittedly) panicked when I saw that the best mans name was on the paperwork to sign as a witness (you sign the official paperwork the day before, at least here) but he wasn't at the rehearsal. The marriage certificate was being submitted to immigration and I'd been warned they were very particular and I didn't want them to think the very obvious mismatched signature/printed name was a fraud attempt. Once the clerk mentioned explain she'd just X it out and type over it I was fine.
   

1. Day after the wedding (can you tell wedding related stuff is the most time we've spent together recently?) DH and I had a conversation in our bedroom where I told him he'd upset me (and I was crying of course, it was pretty upsetting to a new bride) and I felt like he'd ruined my first day as a married woman. Apparently DSis had been listening at the door because she told my family that I was emotionally abusive to him (which I found out when my DBro asked me about it) and she'd embellished on what I'd said, and nothing about what he'd said.