I never thought I'd write about this in public even anonymously, but here we go...
The worst incident of gaslighting I witnessed happened 2 years ago, on the day that would become 'the day I broke up with XH'.
Me , XH & DS were visiting my birth country. 2 hours before our flight back to UK, DS threw a tantrum about not wanting to put his clothes on and XH (who was then my H) started telling him off. DS argued back (he was 7). XH said 'if you don't do what you're told I'm going to smack you'. DS then hit XH. XH slapped him back - and for some reason, not necessarily deliberately, the smack landed on DS's private boy bits.
DS went hysterical and XH said 'that's it, you're going on the step', he forced DS on the step, where DS kept shouting 'Mummy, Daddy hit me on the privates'. XH would not let me go to DS, he said DS needs to sit on the naughty step alone. I was exasperated; DS kept shouting Mummy and I said 'It's okay just try and be calm, you'll be out of there soon' (as XH refused to let me go to DS); then DS shouted again "Mummy, Daddy hit me on the privates" and I said "I know, I'm so sorry, I'll give you a cuddle very soon".
To which XH said: "I did not hit him in the privates". I said "I'm sorry but I saw it, I'm not saying you meant it but..."
Then XH started laying it on me and shouting at me that I was a bad Mum and that I had done nothing to discipline DS. I said I don't believe i'm a bad mum, and I know what I saw and it's not good to deny it (I was thinking it would really mess our child up! He knew what he witnessed and needed it to be validated and I was not even saying XH did it deliberately)
That made XH so angry that he said 'right, you're not coming on the plane'. I begged and pleaded, I said okay we can even separate and I'll move out but please let me fly back; he told me to stay in my own country (FYI I've lived in UK for nearly a decade) and that he'd take our son to UK.
At this point my mum joined us and thought I had done something awful as MrSuperWonderfulHusband whom she adored was angry at me, and started telling me'just say sorry just say sorry'.... XH then took my handbag and turned it upside down shaking all the contents onto the sofa... I said I'm not going to be treated like this and I will move out. DS came from the step crying and hugging me and we cuddled as XH and my DM were both shouting at me.
Just before we were due to fly to the airport, XH said 'Okay now you've calmed down you can come with us'. I declined as I said I had already made arrangements to fly back the next day. I said goodbye to DS and tried to reassure him I was only flying back the next day.
Then my DF appeared to take us to the airport and when XH said I wasn't coming DF started shouting at me for wasting the plane ticket!
They left to the airport, I packed a bag and went to my friend's to stay overnight, then flew to UK the next day.
For several weeks, DM kept calling me telling me I was destroying the family. Eventually some new facts came to light that made them (my parents) little by little realise that XH was not the MisterPerfectHusband he had presented himself as. But... that was the most horrible day of my life, and I still don't know what else I could have done, although I now know that letting XH take DS on the plane meant the beginning of a custody disagreement that has now gone on for 2 years, and nearly 1 year in court.
XH has the upper hand, because he has a gang of admirers, both male and female, who are willing to write outrageously manipulated statements about my 'lack of parenting ability' to the court. Most of all, he has the upper hand because he became the de facto resident parent when I did not board that plane with him.
He tries to deny in court that he stopped me coming on the plane, telling instead that I chose to leave him.
I still don't know what I should have done, against the force of XH and DF and DM.... This remains one of the most puzzling experiences of my life, and I can't even begin to guess how our DS experienced the situation and everything that has happened since....