Should you 'settle' for a relationship for the sake of the dc?

[jamum]

I've been with dh for 3 years, and we have a ds who we both love very much.

But, I'm not in love with him, and atm we are trying hard to get along for ds' sake.

We do argue a lot, but are both trying not to in front of ds, and really the 'arguments' are disagreements followed by silences, rather than screaming matches.

He has spent a lot of nights in the spare room recently and tbh it's so nice having time and space on my own at night. But dh says he loves me, and doesn't want to split up.

He's kind, and has never hurt me in any way. He's a wonderful father and I wouldn't want to take ds away from him.

There is noone else, and I don't know what to do. Should we make the best of things and build a life together? Or should I push him away?

All I know is that I am very unhappy with him, nearly everything he says or does irritates me. We've tried talking about it, but dh won't listen to how I feel.

How old is your DS?

I really do think that you have to carefully consider the rest of your life. Either you have to be prepared to put up with a miserable life, or take the bull by the horns and split. I split from my ex for similar reasons, when DD was 18 months. I felt dreadful the day I left, thinking of him coming home from work with the house empty, no me, no DD... But within a couple of years he'd remarried, now has another DD and is far happier than he was when we were together. I'm with my DP, very happy, and DD (now 11) seems to be quite settled and happy. If you are prepared to put up with being unhappy then fine, but remember you only have one life, your DC will accept whatever situation you find yourself in, and your DH sounds a loving and caring Dad, so that's half the battle. Hope you find happiness, whatever you decide x

Ds is nearly 18 months.

Dh and I get along on a day to day basis, and have even booked holidays for later in the year.

Just sometimes think I should be so happy as I have everything I've ever wanted really, but I'm not. Maybe, it's me, and that I shuold be a bit more grateful for what I've got.

You both sound like me and my ex. We were like flatmates by the end. Got on in as much as we'd sit and watch telly amicably, as friends might. But often there would be the odd row, silent treatment, sulks etc as well.There was no sex and we slept in diff rooms. No warmth, closeness, conversation...just existing. All 'for the children'.

jamum, how do you see your future without your DP? What do you think would be in the picture that isn't there now, what do you think would be lacking without him?

These are obviously questions that only you know the answer to. However, bear in mind that if one person in a couple relationship is unhappy then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. How would you feel if you found out that your DP had decided to buckle down and stick with you for the sake of convenience/DCs' wellbeing/probably wouldn't find any better anywhere else? If the answer is "well, fair enough" then good for the pair of you. But if you feel that the two of you could get on and be good parents amicalby through not living in the same house, then that's just as good. Remember, just because one person is " still in love`" won't automatically make the other person feel the same way.