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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do DHs do this kind of thing?

14 replies

fishfortea · 04/02/2007 20:46

I have been married for nearly 15 yrs and last night we were talking about what we were going to do if anything. DH later said how do you fancy a trip on Eurostar to Paris and stay a night in a hotel, have a trip on the River Seine and go to the Eiffel Tower. Wow I thought . He must be really trying to make an effort. Well to cut a long story short nothing out of the usual happened today(in which I mean we never fell out) He has spoken to me tonight and said "do you really want to spend all that money on one night- it will cost about £350 tops and that means we could put the money else where!" I have to admit Im not very good with money, I dont pay any bills etc. He then asks "What else would you spend it on?" I told him I wasnt sure but secretly seething inside, made my excuse and came on here!

OP posts:
colditz · 04/02/2007 20:49

Oh you poor thing, what a dickish thing to do! i bet he doesn't even realise you are upset, and if he did he wouldn't know why.

Scootergirl · 04/02/2007 20:50

Men!

sunshinestarr · 04/02/2007 20:54

i dunno why do they do a lot of things they do...toilet seat up, scratch their crotch in public....

maybe he was on a fishing expedition and wanted to see if you'd take the bait...or maybe he is planning a surprise for you and wanted to see if you'd go for his idea

sorry love if aint much help

Original poster
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 20:59

Trouble is he knows he can get to me about money costing things- eg just take a look in our wardrode its pathetic. He owns 1 pair of work trousers, 1pair of jeans, 1 pair of trainers and 1pair of work shoes. (honestly Im not joking!!) Me, I dont own that much more but its a bit better than him. He just thinks its a big waste of money. I dont let him dictate to me over the childrens yhings althou he does moan at me, I override it by the look on their faces. He has a terrible habit of needing to have things to show for his money and not just usiing for enjoyment. I only work part time so my wages go for savings and treats for the children or for holidays. Its not that we are short of money but at the same time not rolling in it either

OP posts:
sunshinestarr · 04/02/2007 21:21

i can remember a time in the not too distance past when my kids walked around in designer surf wear while my knickers were barely holding together.

i work part time and i've only just recently in the past 2 years started using my money for me

the kids can wait its not like they gonna grow outta their stuff anytime soon

for every item i get for the boys i make sure not to leave me of the list

Original poster
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 21:24

Gosh, SSS you must know me- it is true my underwear is holding together by a safety pin. TBCH when I do get something new my children make such a fuss I really cringe and think that they are being sarcastic even thou their not.

OP posts:
sunshinestarr · 04/02/2007 21:26

my hubby on the other hand has come from an extravagant upbringing where he tends to waste his money on crap his whole family do.

i mean we had a huge 5 bay shed/garage built just for his crap.

no wonder i wouldnt spend money on myself to compensate for his spending I wish he'd be a bit of a miser.

p.s dont mean to brag either it's just it can also be the other extreme like in my case.

Original poster
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 21:28

Just had a thought if he wants to do more constructive things with his money and have something to show for it maybe he should give me the £350 and I could buy both of us a new wardrobe of clothes

OP posts:
Original poster
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 21:29

No DH would never dream to build anything like that- LOL he has got nothing to fill it up with!

OP posts:
sunshinestarr · 04/02/2007 21:30

we had a team building excerise on the word selfish ... long story short out of the 20 women in our workplace only 3 said they'd put themselves at the top of their list of priorities... sad eh

sunshinestarr · 04/02/2007 21:32

you go girl

Original poster
fishfortea · 04/02/2007 22:14

Yes that is very sad, Im surprised that 3 out of 20 said they would put themselves first- did they have a family? I wonder!!!!

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 05/02/2007 16:22

How unfair of your DH to get your hopes up like this & then change his mind!
I think you should tell him that yes you do really want to spend some money on a nice treat for yourself!!
Blimmin men!!!

Anniegetyourgun · 05/02/2007 19:37

Well if he said "do you really want" rather than "I don't think we should", he's a good egg even if he's got a clumsy way of putting it. Just let him know you thought it was a great idea and you do still want to do it. You will have splendid memories to show for it, who needs something more tangible than that?

If you're £350 short of being able to pay your bills, of course, it's a different story.

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