Was this OTT?

[user1470266148]

I have been with my DP for 5 years. In the last 2 years it's became evident that I am not his number one priority and I am now starting to think that he does not car a jot about how his actions make me feel. However, when I write down examples they seem very trivial:

Going out with friends in a couples situation but telling me he is meeting the lads, then I find out when he has gone that other DP's are there and he 'never thought to ask me'

Refusing to spend Christmas Day with me as he 'goes to his mothers house every year' so for the past 4 Christmases I've sat at home alone

Refusing to discuss anything about getting married (we've been engaged 18 months) because I don't speak to his sister and our wedding plans may upset HER.

I have spoken to him about these and how it makes me feel, he promises he will be more aware of how his actions make me feel.

To add further insult he moved in with me (from his 1 bedroom studio apartment) into my 4 bedroom home, I have not asked him to contribute to the mortgage but to contribute half of the money for bills (which he does pay eventually, sometimes months later).

So yesterday we returned from a weeks holiday in Europe (which I paid for entirely) and he announces he's going out with his mate in a town 5 miles away. I was tired after a long journey home so I went for a nap and when I got up he had gone out.

Guess what?..... It was a couples thing again!!! So I lost my shit, packed his clothes and drove them to his mothers house and texted him to say he was a selfish bellend and not to come back.

Was I OTT?

Well done. Stand your ground. He has shown you zero respect so far. He should want you to be happy and to spend time with you. Can't believe he thinks it's ok to leave you alone at Christmas.
Really glad you have got rid of that waste of space!!
Stay strong

He still has a key to my house, any ideas on how I get it back. I don't want to go out in case he comes here when I'm not around. It's a rural property and I don't have neighbours to watch out for me

I'd probably change the lock for piece of mind. I did it before, pretty easy to get sorted really and saves further contact.

I would drive to his mum's and demand it off him, but that's me. Or of course get the locksmith round. He might be a canny git and have a copy. Stay strong, wel done you xxx

Very well done. I agree with the others.
Block his number and get a locksmith.
It will hurt but men like this will always try to worm their way in.

Yaaaaay! Well done that woman- not OTT.At.All.

Def get locks changed, small price to pay for peace of mind, & if the smarmy git does try it will make him realise you are serious.

Not OTT. What a nob he is. He's a child still. You can do a lot better. Well done you

Good job OP! You've definitely fine that right thing here. I agree with getting the locks changed if there's any risk he'll be an arse about returning the key or have a copy. There are some good guides online to doing it yourself if you haven't done it before (and can get to a diy store today)

Deffo change the locks. As a short term fix you could maybe swap the locks of the front and back doors (assuming they're the same type).

Not OTT just a long time coming

Change your locks op! He is a massive bellend, I don't know how you have put up with him so long!

How come you paid for his holiday OP?

No not OTT at all. Well done.

He has treated you appallingly and he is not "homeless" I'm sure he can stay for a short time with his Mum or sister or some of his mates until he finds his own place.

You've done the right thing. Block, change locks and get out there and enjoy the rest of your life without him. Good luck :)

Oh, OP. Well done! Another standing ovation from me

What a horribly selfish man. You are well shot.

What did his mum say when you dropped off his things?

Yes, well done and not OTT at all.
He is not "homeless", they call it "intentionally homeless" since it's the consequence of his own actions.

Not in the slightest bit OTT. I'd change the locks just incase he gets a copy done.

I highly recommend changing the locks yourself. Saves a bomb on getting a locksmith in, and feels so empowering!

There's YouTube guides, but it's pretty simple. Only tricky part is having the inner works/barrel(s) out and then popping off to the nearest B&Q or whatever to get the replacement, but we've always got around that by having one person stay in the property. Do you have a friend that can come round?

BTW, not OTT. Long overdue, if anything.

Hi wish
It was a present for his birthday. I got him a holiday every year we were together.
Yep, I've been proper mugged over

You're well shot of the cock-lodger.
Can' t believe he didn't invite you and snuck off like that when you were asleep - pretty disgusting behaviour (all of it).
A weight of misery will lift off your shoulders now.
Well done.

Well done for getting shot of the twat. Onwards and upwards

Yy to the lock changing have you got dead bolts on the front door. If so bolt them and use the back door to go in and out of
Good for you

Hi OP,

Hope things are Ok with you & you managed to get the locks changed?

It makes my stomach churn when I read situations like you have been in where a partner treats the other with such complete contempt and disrespect and whilst I dislike the language, he was a 100% 'cock-lodger'.

But it was great to read the last paragraph in that you acted decisively with such self respect and esteem by throwing him out. You have clearly given him every opportunity to understand that his behaviour was not right ("I have spoken to him about these and how it makes me feel, he promises he will be more aware of how his actions make me feel."), yet he would not address it in any way but continues to treat you like dirt.

Bravo to you OP. You have made my day.

Time for you to do something you always wanted to do for yourself now instead of wasting your time with such a waster. Best wishes!

Excellent work OP.