Hi and thank you for reading, any advice is very welcome.
Where do I begin? My partner and I have been together for just over a 15 months now and for the most we have been very happy. So much so we moved in together, got engaged, then sold our homes and bought a new house. Wow, yes, fast, but everything was so very good. Yes, there were a few problem areas but we worked through them, but they were more about expectations in the bedroom and not being honest.
Anyway up to date, everything going well and we move into a new house in a different location to where my partner has lived in the past. Same for me but she grew up 10 minutes away and that’s where her parents still live. Whilst mine are over an hour away and I moved 30 miles to be with her.
Then things started going wrong. She became very depressed with the house set up. It wasn’t what she expected or felt she wanted. However I did ask if she was sure about the house and the answer was always yes before we signed the papers. I tried to support her but found it hard as I had never been in the position before. We started arguing and she moved out of the main bedroom. Then a week later she turns around all happy and says that the relationship isn’t what she is, that she had been accommodating all along and now it was to change. She stated that she no longer wanted the house and wanted to have a family. I am like OK lets see how this goes as this is a big turn around. My concern here is that she was sure about the house and then turned 180. Not so easy to do so with a child!
Time moves on, we argue again and she says things like, I don’t want a child with you, you are too immature. You are not good enough for me. Then she will say I’m too boring and too serious! I take these comments on the chin and carry on, but hurting inside.
I notice that she then starts getting very secretive about her phone and computer. She joins her old gym, which she slated and left 4 months previously, and says openly get over it, I do as I want and if I meet someone there then so be it! We argue more.
A week later we are ok again and booking weekend away on her laptop. An email comes in from a dating site saying we miss you. She says its from an old site, before we got together. I note the address before she deletes it. Next day I sign up with false account and find her profile online, single looking for a relationship with pictures. I confronted her and she explained she did it as she was craving attention from other men, but not from me!
We had another bust up this week as I pointed out that I was always the one who started text messages. She spent the next hour telling me how immature and how I’m not husband material. Also said that she had been flirting with a couple of guys!
So now what do I do. I do love her but feel like she’s a completely different person and the whole relationship has been a lie. We can’t easily sell the house as it’s a new build and will take a while but its on the market. She is 41 and I am 49. I have been married twice, both lasted over 9 years whilst she has never.
I just don’t know what to do. I am a very passionate person and very affectionate. I wear my heart on my sleeve and this doesn’t sit well with her. When we argue, its always my fault, I can never say im not happy about something as im seen as needy or insecure.
Any help most welcome, thanks again and sorry for the war and peace.