Do I need to be careful?

[magichen]

I have namechanged for this!

So I started a new job a few months ago, working very closely with a male colleague. I am happily married with a Ds however I have noticed something between me and this colleague and I'm not sure what it is.

Basically he is my boss, and we clicked straight away. He has disclosed some very personal things an openly talks about his (bad) relationship with his wife and family. He often winks at me and tells me how easy it is to talk to me. Last week he intimated how dissappointed he was that I was going on annual leave. He also told me of an argument he had with his wife over me (she is jealous that he is working with someone younger than him), an has somehow found the need to tell me this a couple of times almost like he is wanting a reaction of some sort from me.

I have found myself disclosing stuff to him without really meaning to but i find it easy to talk to him too.

For the record I am not looking for an affair and nor do I find him attractive in any way however I can't help but feel there is somehing developing between us and I'm not sure how to stop it if there is.

I'm hoping it is just friendship and we just get in really well like I do with all my friends, do I just feel differently because he is male?

I

Interesting..if this was a female colleague (apart from the winking which is odd) I don't think the advice would be the same!

The psychology of this is both interesting and frightening to witness from the outside.

It's a very old trick - he discloses, you disclose. Then wham! You're besties.

He is trying to play you like a fiddle and thought thank goodness you've realised, he's already managed to get you into sharing personal information.

He's just a walking cliché and it's quite depressing to see how easily it works.

Shut him down.
I agree with the PP who says keep bringing up your husband and how happy you are (as it isn't always realistic at work to tell your boss to stop hitting on you)

Ginger - I absolutely feel loved by my dh, yes we have ups and downs like any relationship does but overall we are very happy.

But magichen what's the point in saying "apart from the winking"?
That makes it obvious what this is.
It isn't a female colleague, and he did wink (ugh). Concentrate on the real situation, just start making silly comparisons that maybe he just wants to be friends.

Even the going on about her being jealous...
Lame flattery, but it works so often. Such a compliment you see, makes you realise you're better than the wife.
Might not have worked on you but it's such a lame cliché of a line you could get troll hunted for writing a bad novel 😂

i don't believe in friendship between man and woman

I do.
And I have a male colleague of 10 years who has often told me of his marital problems.
He's never winked at me though, or told me he'll miss me when I'm on leave

Oh and fiancé knows all about him and what we discuss.

OP of course, the advice would be different if it was a female colleague, but he isn't female is he, so what's the point of that comparison?

This is the oldest trick in the book. I've been there. I suspect most women have been there and it's a total load of bollocks.

Think of his wife at home who is no doubt looking after his kids and doing this tossers laundry while he tries it with whoever will give him the time of day.

Don't be taken in by his little games or feel flattered for one second.

You guys are being so harsh on her poor boss. His wife obviously doesn't understand Him !!! The poor love ! You would think they could come up with a new line these men wouldn't you ?? Zero out of ten for originality.
,

Men often do this and talk badly about their wives so that the ow will feel sorry for them and before you know it boom affair happens
I would make excuses to stay purely professional. And if he talks about home etc change the subject

working very closely with a male colleague
have noticed something between me and this colleague
we clicked straight away.
He has disclosed some very personal things
openly talks about his (bad) relationship with his wife
often winks at me
tells me how easy it is to talk to me
disappointed he was that I was going on annual leave
argument he had with his wife over me, she is jealous
I have found myself disclosing stuff to him

I'm hoping it is just friendship

Either you are very young or remarkably naive.

Take the good advice you have been given on this thread , before this implodes and you lose the respect of your colleagues ( don't think they haven't noticed ) , your job or your marriage .

You are playing with fire .

I would call it grooming.

That's a strange comment OP, of course the advice reflects the fact that your boss is a man.

Unless we have misread the situation and you are a man, you haven't actually stated that you're female.

OP, Im sure you are happily married. You have realised that something is in the air, regarding your Boss, you are right, he is trying to get in your pants !
He is playing you, like a fiddle, now is the time to change your tune !

I'm definetely female and not so young either! I'm my 30's. I will indeed take all the advice, thank you all. I know what to do.

He sounds like a typical serial cheater.