Control?

[bubs12348658]

I've name changed for this, but I'm currently on Mat leave (unpaid) I have to ask my partner for money (fuel for the car) etc. He only gives me £10 a time for fuel and so obviously doesn't go far! Then he moans saying he gave me £10 a few days ago. He knows my car isn't great on fuel. When we haven't argued and have been getting on fine he's happy to give me money for what I ask for but if we've had a spat or a massive row and I ask him for some fuel money he point blank refuses. Is this like coercive behaviour? I'm currently waiting for an interview next week and have been looking to get back into work then leave him when I have money saved to rent somewhere. He said ages ago he'd give me so much per month but it's never happened. I hate asking for money "all the time" (which is rare apart from fuel or if I need things)

Mossey I haven't spoken to her in ages. (3 months maybe) I do t have anywhere to go. I've made some stuff to sell (I'm quite artsy ) but not enough to make a decent amount of money) as I also have to ask partner for money for supplies (knitting/crochet) he only tends to give me the money for fuel (when I ask) when the fuel lights on then when it starts to flash. Sometimes £10 doesn't turn the flashing fuel light of and I tell him and he says "well you put £10 in so it just hasn't registered but you know you'll get 50 miles to it" (I might well do but with DD in the car I don't want to risk it" I'd rather him full the car up to full once a month and say "make it last" than live like this.

Here is the benefits calculator.

Here is the child maintenance calculator.

Here are the contact details for child benefit.

I'd use his £10 for petrol to get out of there.

I do agree with ImperialBlether that leaving is the thing to do.

It's financial abuse. I live with it day in day out. Having to ask for milk money, tea bags, school shoes, bread, dog food, whatever I need for day to day living I have to list, and only at the last minute will he reluctantly and with lots of huffing allow me access to money, and only after adding up how much these items cost and putting in the EXACT amount, it's soul destroying

I am so sorry to here that! That's is appealing. Defiantly call women aid! He sounds like a grade a arsehole! It's good that's your artsy! eBay is a great way to earn a little mOre.hopefully a job will come your way soon! I really wish I could help you more! It break my hear that you treated so poorly!

It's possible that this comes under the new coercive control law. How would you feel about calling the non emergency police number and asking?

Hedda. I have read upon it tonight and am very tempted. There has been domestic violence I regret to add that has happened in the past (I admit to hitting him....self defence kind of...although he is quite strong and larger than me. I'm inly petite. I just worry for my son and what will happen to him). I had 101 up ready to call about half hour ago then deleted the call. I'm so scared but need to do this)

If I had someone here right low to support me I'd do it but I don't have anyone anymore and it's because of him. He's just told me he can't do anything like fishing etc becaususe of me. But I've always asked him if I can go with him etc when things where fine but he's always wanted to do other things like days out etc. I'm really tempted to text his parents and tell them everything but reluctant to as his dad is recovering from cancer. But I have no one else to turn too and I'm also not that close to them

*daughter. Don't know why sin came up!!

Turn to Women's Aid for help and support.

Do not turn to his family for help and support.

I don't think texting his parents is the right way to go. As you say, you're not that close to them. They might choose their son over you and put you in even more of a difficult position.

Why not phone 101? Just tell them what you've told us and ask for advice. They'll log it but they're not going to jump in the car and screech round with the blue flashing lights and sirens blaring. Sometimes there's a domestic abuse link officer who can put you in touch with support organisations.

Hi Bubs, i am experiencing something similar. Please can you kindly message on how things turned out? Any advice...