Upset and confused

[ijgyu]

Me and my DP have a very good close relationship. We have a 6month old. Last night I was absolutely shattered and when DS woke up at about 4am I was that tired I literally couldn't move so my partner got up to sort him out then came back in the bedroom and started screaming and shouting at me telling me I was a lazy fucking bitch etc. He then woke DS back up with his shouting and told me to go sort him, I said I'm not sorting him out when you have woken him up by shouting and told him not to talk to me like that. He then grabbed the baby monitor and turned the volume up to full and was pressing it into my head (guessing he thought doing his would get me up) (it sounds awful I didn't get up to my son, but I do it most nights and I was beyond shattered) he then went to see to DS. He then came back into the bedroom saying he could fucking kill me I said go on then, so he grabbed the pillow of the bed and was holding it down over my head whilst shaking me. He let go after about 20/30 seconds and kicked me then started calling me all sorts of names and saying he would ring the police. I lay there crying and eventually fell asleep. He is currently still in bed and hasn't bothered going to work. (It's his business so he can go in when ever)
He's never done anything like this before and I'm really upset he would do this.
I don't know if I should go talk to him when he wakes up as not to start anything but I also don't want to

Of course you're not working darling, you've got a 6month old baby. I would think in terms of baby steps at the moment. Have you packed a suitcase? I think at the moment you need some space to think about what to do. You need to call the police, so there's a record of his behaviour which will safeguard you and baby in the future. You could stay somewhere else for a couple of nights while you make arrangements. How long have you and P been together? Do you own the home? I'd be inclined to have the police have your P move out then have your mum come and stay with you in the interim if that's possible. Ultimately that's yours and your baby's home, your P needs to support you both xxx

We've been together almost 4 years, the house is his everything is just in his name. Would I have any legal right to have the police remove him from his home?

You have to report this to the police. If he hasn't apologised, he obviously thinks he's done nothing wrong which is more of a worry!! What if he gets angry and lashes out at the baby instead of you? The police have to be aware. Hope you're ok although understandably shaken. Focus on bubba xx

How long have you known him?

This is very serious OP. Very serious. You don't sound ready to recognise that but you need to think long and hard about your child's future as well as yours in the same house as someone who frankly sounds dangerous.

You poor thing. I seem to recall that like strangling, holding a pillow over somebody's face is one of the most alarming types of domestic violence and indicates a particularly worrying sudden escalation. You haven't got bruises but it's bad.
You should tell the police.

Well he may be removed from his home on account of being arrested for attempted murder.

I think you can apply for an occupation order, the police will help you with this I think. The court can then order for him to pay for the mortgage and poss maintenance. If Its rented you can apply for a 'part II order' to have the name of the tenancy transferred soley to you. You need t call the police now xx

rightsofwomen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/guide-to-domestic-violence-housing-and-homelessness.pdf

What if the next person who makes him angry in the middle of the night is your son. What if he holds a pillow over his face.

And don't say "that won't happen" because 24 hours ago presumably you couldn't imagine him holding a pillow over your face. And he did.

He tried to kill you last night. Save your son.

Get your son and get out now. By staying you're putting both of you at risk.

Hey OP, firstly big hug. Secondly, everyone is right here you need to remove you and your son. I made the mistake of thinking it was a one off and it escalated very very quickly so whilst you think your situation is logistically and financially impossible in terms of leaving or splitting up believe me the alternative is worse.

I've gone. I've packed bags and me and DS have left. I will phone the police later when I've calmed down and come to terms with everything. He can rot in hell. Thanks to all of you

That's fast, pro-active, strong action you've taken there OP.
Well done.
Get an appointment with CAB as quick as you can.
You will need housing, benefits, tax credits, child benefit and maintenance sorted out.
So glad you are away from that.
He smothered you!!! That's a frighteningly awful as it gets!
Look after yourself as well though.
Keep hydrated and keep your sugar levels up.
Shock will hit soon enough and you'll need your strength to cope with that.
Get as many friends and family around you as possible!

Good work.

ijgyu oh thank goodness you've taken such swift action.
You are an amazing, strong person.
Very well done.
Keep posting as you need to - people are here day & night for you.

You know what? Sometimes my son cries in the night and I'm so tired I lie there and hope DH will get up instead, even though DH needs to get up early for work.

He does.

He doesn't complain or verbally abuse me or threaten to kill me.

You've done the right thing. Your partner is showing you how dangerous he is.

Well bloody done OP. Impressive reaction. Many people take a lot of time to recognise these situations for what they are but you are definitely doing the right thing here.

Well done OP. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. You've obviously got a good friend there giving you shelter. You've got us too. I'm desperately sorry that you're going through this. I wish I could help you.
I know you know this but the sooner you talk to the police, the better. You need them to have a record of this as soon as poss. It's nearly the end of the working day and he will be out and about. It would be beneficial to have it all on record by then.
Very much support coming your way. Xx

Hope you're ok and well done for removing yourselves from his vicinity. Hope you're doing as well as can be expected-take everything a day at a time and have people close we to you to look after you xx