Boyfriend Problems

[user1473614452]

Hello everyone,

I've never been on mumsnet, but I'm sitting on a Sunday having wrecked my own relationship with a man I adore....

We rarely argue except when I've had too much to drink and unleash a fight about stuff that's been building up. My boyfriend got divorced 2 years ago and has a four year old son who I adore from the marriage. It was a brief marriage and not a happy one. He ex wife has remarried but their relationship remains fairly toxic with constant sniping and moaning from him about things she has or has not done. Last week he called her his 'wife' which annoyed me. He knew I was annoyed but, as usual, we brushed over it and didn't talk it through. I know he adores me and is so loving and kind. At 41 I really thought this is the man I would marry. Then, last night I drank too much and gave him a really hard time. I was downright nasty. He dropped me off and wouldn't come in. I then drove to his house to talk it through and he made me leave and told me it was over. I am devastated at what I have done. I do find the presence of his ex wife tough to deal with at times as there is so much bitterness between them and constant sniping. However, I am also aware my own behaviour was appalling. What should I do? Is there any chance he will calm down and we can give things another go? I feel utterly wretched.

Thanks.

You drove to his house after drinking too much?!

It sounds like he has a new toxic relationship going on now, with you.

Getting drunk and angry is pretty horrible for the other person

Stop drinking completely around him?
Learn to talk to him about things you don't like instead of using alcohol to begin the discussion?
Ask him to not be disrespectful about his wife?

He doesn't sound very amazing or caring if his attitude towards his ex is anything to go by and it's possible this has shown him he isn't ready to move on with a new person as so many unresolved feelings to deal with. Which you can't really force out of him - that would be something he needs to acknowledge and work on, but after 2 years he is still no further on with that and now he's allowing it to pollute your relationship and you are terrible at dealing with it maturely.

I would leave him alone for now and not chase him. If he comes back maybe it is time for a real discussion and whether you have a future. She's not going anywhere fast is she the ex?

Also I didn't see the driving thing the first time but that is so horribly irresponsible

I think you need to let him go, he has the right to end the relationship after so much drunken abuse. Consider cutting down on alcohol if it's such a problem. Finally, drink driving is never ok, no matter the circumstances, you could have killed someone. It sounds like you have issues with alcohol and your temper that you need to work on.

No we weren't drinking and driving!! The argument was last night and we drove back this afternoon.

He's no prize if he is that bitchy about his ex. And calling her his wife after she's remarried?? Fucked up.

But you're no better - being vile when drunk, and then driving around there drunk afterwards to go at Round 2, sorry, "talk it through".

You lost my sympathy at What should I do? I expected you to follow it with a question about counselling for your drinking, drink driving, jealousy, abusiveness while drunk, how to apologise. But no. Is there any chance he will calm down and we can give things another go? I feel utterly wretched Selfish, selfish. He has to forgive your bad behaviour because you feel bad about being mean to him.

Let him go. He has made a good choice here.

However, you are right about the alcohol. I do have issues with starting rows with him when I'm drunk (this is the third time I've done this) and need I to stop. Thank you.

Go and get help for your drinking problem - because that's what you have if you know you get angry and argumentative every time you have a drink, but you still continue to do so.