Told H not to come home tonight.

[whatnow33]

He's been really rude to me. Told me to fuck off . He says he is very tired but hasnt apologised.

I've told him not to come home tonight because imo he went too far and I don't want to be with someone who thinks it's OK to speak to me like that.

This has all been communicated by text . He has sent a few more messages since then, trying to draw me into an argument with him but I've not responded as I don't particularly want to get in a slanging match, especially not via text message! Plus he's meant to be working.

Legally I know I can't actually keep him out because both our names are on he tenancy agreement so I'm not sure what to do if/when he comes home later (probably around 10-10.30pm).

Did I overreact? I'm really hurt that he apparently thinks he can speak to me like shit and that that's fine. We have small children so everything's pretty hard work at the moment. But I don't think that's a good enough excuse for treating me like this.

He sounds bloody awful. I wouldn't be "gently" reminding him to clear his shit up after making his lunch, I'd be dumping it in his briefcase (or equivalent very inconvenient place)

Honestly, pussyfooting around disrespectful men like this is a waste of time. All you get back in return is, well, disrespect

You might not want to leave him, but he is unlikely to change while you carry on taking up all the slack. Get tough or sign yourself up for decades of being responsible for all the shit work. That's without even mentioning the damaging examples that your dc are absorbing while you live like this.

Thanks af. Tbh I'm so exhausted (we both are to be fair) I just havent had the energy to have it out with him properly because I know it would just end up in a row. But I know I need to.

He has sent me a message apologising. He thinks he's getting a bit depressed about his life. I don't even know how to respond to that.

How about you feeling a bit low too, picking up after a manchild like this ?

Don't let him blame anything on you. I suspect he will go down that route if you let him.

If he is depressed, he needs to seek help and not use you as an emotional punch bag nor expect you to look after him like some sort of over grown toddler

I stopped tidying up my crew after they were about 8yo

Its not a one off. Its becoming a regular thing recently of him talking to me like a piece of shit

This right here says it all.

When a man speaks to you this way, it's time to call it a day.

You both sound exhausted, miserable and like you aren't getting your needs met. Can you sit on this until you have some time to talk, maybe marriage counselling? So as to not further hurt the relationship? He is being a shit, but if he's reacting about something that he can't or won't communicate (work issues? Jealous of kids taking so much of your time an energy? Dunno anything), it might be more productive and lead to quicker change if you try to collaborate with him in moving forwards rather than telling him not to come home? Unless you want to end the marriage, which is a wholly different situation.

I think the depressed about his life thing is because we want to buy a house and came up with a plan a couple of days ago about how we can do this, but it will another take 5 years and lots more saving to get there, which is annoying but life. Plus things are hard at the minute. Dc1 has been really difficult and insecure since the baby arrived, constant tantrums, night wakings, trying to hurt the baby. Its really tough to deal with. Its 9.30 and I havent even started cooking my dinner yet. I'm posting on this thread in between calming down 2 over tired dcs who keep waking each other up!