Friend's partner in jail for assaulting her - if she goes back to him will it all be dropped?

[maggiethemagpie]

Friend has been in an abusive relationship for around 2 years. Today, her partner became physically abusive and she shouted out to a passerby to call the police, which they did.

He has been charged with assault and is currently sitting exactly where he belongs - in the cells.

She has a history of leaving him then going back a few days later, what I want to know is can the police continue to charge him if she goes back to him and he wants her to drop charges? I don't think there have been any injuries but there will be the eyewitness testimony from the passerby at the very least. Also she will have given a statement to say he was abusive, but I presume she could withdraw this.

She says she wants to end the relationship and go to court (re assault) but she has tried to leave him a thousand times before and it's always short lived.

If she contacts him first presumably that invalidates the bail thing? As he will say she got in touch with him first? Or if he responds to her contact, would that still count as him contacting her therefore invalidate his bail?

Sorry wasn't very clear there. What I'm basically asking is, can he still get in shit for contacting her if she's the one who initiates contact?

I don't know for sure as my ex had quite severe bail conditions. I would imagine that he can't be seen as contacting her in breach of condition if she gets hold of him first. I wouldn't recommend it anyway, it won't look great if it goes to court.
Thank you anyfucker, I am glad I'm still alive and here to be a good parent to my kids. It ends badly all too often.

Well, she has a golden opportunity now to break free. She basically has police protection from him. She just needs to be strong in her mind.

Last time she properly left him, after a few days he sent her lovey-dovey texts, said he couldn't remember what had happened (re dv incident that drove her to leave)and then came round to where she was staying and wouldn't leave until she let him in. I'm hoping he doesn't have the guts to do that this time, as it would invalidate his bail so there is a glimmer of hope that she'll see this one through.

Bail conditions are for him, not her. If she contacts him, in order to abide by a non contact condition he should not answer the phone/ hang up. However, if he is taken to court for breach of bail he could use this in mitigation - ie he didn't want to talk to her but she called him. Plus, the only way he'll get in trouble for breach of bail is if someone reports it - and it sounds a s though your friend might not do this.

Also, once someone is charged the CPS would usually try and get the case to trial (not the police - it is the CPS' decision). This might include witness summoning her to court, and, treating her as a hostile witness. The fact there are other witnesses makes it more likely to go forward. For some women a witness summons can be helpful, as its as though they can tell the abuser/ family etc that they had no choice but to go to court.

Also, if she contacts him, his defence lawyer might try to use this in court - ie saying that she can't be that scared if she contacted him, it never happened etc. obviously bollocks but they will use anything they can

Might be worth telling her that womens aid could advise on both the court case and her housing situation, as well as any civil remedies she might want eg if the case didn't go ahead, getting a non molestation order.

Last post, I promise!

Even if she contacts him first, if he responds he will still be in breach of bail.
She needs to know if the bail is post charge ( to court) or police bail ( for police to do further enquires)

Could you look into a domestic abuse group locally for her ? Its amazing just how much sitting in a room with other victim's for a couple of hours a week can open your eyes to just what is happening. I thought I knew everything but I was shocked just how much power these abusers can have . And not all domestic abuse is physical , theres verbal , emotional and mental which can be just as bad as violence.
Maybe offer to go along with her but she probably wont be ready to go but the offer will be there .

I have in the past tried too hard to find solutions for her mumgoingthrough, eg sending books that she never read... this lead to a breakdown in our friendship for about six months and we've only got it back on track the past few months (but is in a good place now). So I am gently pointing her in the direction of, eg women's aid and suggesting she gives them a call/looks on website but then it's up to her. I don't live near her so can't go with her to a group anyway even if she wanted to go and I'm not sure she identifies fully with being a DV victim (is that the right terminology? sorry if not), for a very long time she did not accept she was at all.

For me the biggest learning curve in all this is that I can sow seeds, but absolutely cannot make her do anything... it became very frustrating trying to before, and then having to alternately listen to her telling me how horrible he'd been and then how it didn't matter because he was nice sometimes/ insert justification of your choice here.

So whilst I obviously want her to break free I'm trying not to get too attached to that outcome IYSWIM. Otherwise the friendship will break down again, and I'll be no good to her then.

Whilst I am there for her, to avoid a repeat of previous incidences where it eroded our friendship I need to keep a bit of a boundary in place

Im another believer in Domestic Violence support groups, we have an amazing Women's Centre where I live and my friend has received excellent support and guidance from this service and its groups.Unfortunately she took her abusive partner back and things have recently spiralled out of control again, thorough out the service has continued to offer help and assistance. You sound like an amazing friend.