Regular but NC for this. This is long and probably sounds trivial to some people but bear with me please.
Back story:
Me divorced, 3 DC. Marriage was abusive physically and mentally.
DP is a couple of years younger than me. Never had serious relationship. No DC.
Hes an amazing guy, so much in common, makes me laugh, cares about me and DC. For the first time in my life I feel comfortable in my own skin. I can speak to him about anything, we trust each other completely and we are both very much in love.
Now the story....
Few nights ago we are eating dinner together when the DC were in bed. DP has spent a lot of his childhood in a different country where they will sit over a meal for hours chatting and drinking wine, etc. I'm more of a 'wolf it down and have done with it' kinda person, so I finished before him and sit chatting while he's stewing over his meal.
As we're sat chatting I yawn and tell him I'm tired. After a few minutes he puts his dinner in the fridge and says let's go to bed. I double check he doesn't want to finish it and even suggest I go to bed and he comes up when he's done eating as long as he doesn't mind me excusing myself before he's finished. No, he insists we go to bed at the same time so that's what we do.
We're in bed having a cuddle and I asked why he insisted we go to bed at the same time and his answer really unnerved me. He basically told me my needs are greater than his and whatever I wanted to do, he would go along with.
I tried to explain that's no way to live you're life. There need to be compromises in relationships and you need to be able to say to each other 'I do/don't want to do something right now, but you can do/not do whatever without me' and that no one should dictate to someone when they eat/sleep, etc.
I know its all a learning curve for him with this being his first serious relationship. But I'm concerned he'll get into the habit of trying to 'please me', as I did with ExH, and he'll end up resenting me. I don't want to be the controlling partner in any relationship.
What can I say to him to help him see a proper relationship is a 2 way street?
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Relationships
How to deal with this comment from DP
Passthevinoplease · 11/09/2016 13:55
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