I think the family is about to fall apart

[LowFatMilkshake]

I dont know where to start but...

DH does not have a huge family, and it's always been a bit disjointed IMO. However as my parents are both deceased its all the immediate family we have. (I still have aunts, cousins etc but they are miles away - a wedding funeral sort of thing)

Anyway MIL looks after SIL children, and generally spends all day at thier house. She tell us my SIL needs her there.

SIL says MIL just comes round without invitation and sits on the couch all day. She is also cross at FIL who she claims has smacked one of her children, nearly fallen on another when newborn and while a bit merry, and hates her friends children.

DH grandparents also live nearby and since we all had children there has been some animosity between MIL and and them - she seems to find them threatening as they play better with her GC's than she does

Anyway SIL has recently (according to her) been let down by MIL and FIL when she had asked them to babysit. So when FIL asked BIL (his son) to help him shift furniture and BIL did'nt turn up I could'nt help thinkning SIL was behind this.

SIL is due to go back to work in April and has asked MIL to have the kids again, which MIL has always done for free. However MIl went to hosptial recently and has been diagnosed with a physical problem that means she is incapable of caring for small children (no lifting, bending etc). She has told SIL who says she can make other arrangements. But MIL has told DH this means she will no longer be seeing SIL DC's unless they come to her.

GP's have also told BIL not to take his children round thier recently and we dont know why, they have been poorley, but could also be to do with MIL's jealousy.

DH and I live 2 hours away from everyone (they all live withing 2 miles of each other) and just get to hear the individual stories by phone/email, as no one talks about the others in front of one another. So DH and I have become sounding boards I guess.

The upshot is, although I dont agree with MIL and dont enjoy her long-term company, I think she will now be stuck at home everyday staring at 4 walls in an area she hates and getting depressed. GC's will be doing the same just down the road. And SIL will be carrying on regardless as despite what's gone on she can still live her life as she wants.

Should DH and I call crisis talks or see what happens? Bearing in mind MIL and FIL are defensive of thier part in this, ie towards GP's and GP's will not want any bother.

I'ld run a mile from getting involved tbh.

i think you should stay out of it.

well out of it.

keep listening and keep schtum.

it will end up being your fault.

Well, if I were you and your Dh I would stay the hell out of it

As you say, you are 2 hours away & can do nothing anyway!

Whatever happens, you don't take sides, sure you may have a preference, but don't let them know it. (Well I wouldn't anyway)

I would hate to be in the middle. Why would your IL's not just drop by & see their GC? Is it the type of home you need to be invited to?

I would advise MIL to just drop by, or call, whatever they prefer, but not to lose contact with her GC.

Oops I was very slow there

It's all vert tricky, MIL makes out she is needed nerly everyday while SIL tells me she is a PITA.

GP's just love thier GGC's so I dont know why they have recently changed tactics.

It's all very strange. But phone calls are like treading on eggshells trying not to let out what one or the other has told you in confidence etc.

i think having my MIL around all day would drive me crackers.

It does, I had her for 2 weeks when DS was due, so she could look after DD. And SIL told me it was the best 2 weeks of recent years!

MIL is not very tactful and sulks, as does FIL.

However both said when their first GC was due that they though GP's should be there for nice days out and occasional visits etc, And not glorified babysitters - which in essence they are the earlier to our DC's and the latter to B&SIL

Does she just go & sit there???

If she helped out or something I wouldn't mind as much.Or I would try & tell her nicely she isn't to be coming round & wearing herself out

Can you tell them both you no longer want to be dragged into the middle of it all?

Apparently she watches one DC while SIL baths /feeds the other??

then when SIL wants to do something major such as decorate or raarrange funrniture she sends both DC's to MIL house.

Also when she wants a night out a a drink she sends them there for the night.

DH and I have a big part in May which we have had to ask IL's to babysit for several time to be sure the remember. So although I dont want to get involved i would love to shake SIl and tell her a good thing she has.

Also MIL tells everyone how independant I am compared to SIL, and says it in such a way that it's a 'bad' thing. But I would like to point out to her that I dont have a choice as we dont have instant babysitter round the corner.

DO NOT get involved. Sit tight, listen to what they have to say.

Do not get in the middle as you can pretty much guarantee that at some point they will all be mates again and you will be the one that did the stirring.

Families....

It sounds like they both benefit then. If MIL goes round & spends time with the kids, the SIL sends the kids there.

What exactly does SIL want? She just wants MIL to be at her beck & call then? To babysit as & when they feel like they need them to?

I think it was petty of BIL not to go & move some furniture for his parents Very sad.

FWIW I never had that great a relationship with my IL's either, but that all changed recently when MIL was ill & very badly worried about her health. I was able to see through all the make-up & jewellery & realised that apart from being my IL's, they were DH'd parents who raised him & made him into the man I fell in love with. Things are getting better with my IL's now & I'm thankful for it

I do feel for MIL at the moment, as I know now she has nothing to do with her days she's go quietly mad, and depression may in all seriousness becaome a problem!

A very (very) small part of me thinks it would be nice to invite her to stay with us again. But it's not possible now we have had DS, as we have no room.

Perhaps we could encourage her - without letting anything slip, to spend some time with her IL's following thier recent illness and bearing in mind they dont need anyone to lift for them she could keep them company and enjoy a few cups of tea with them.

run away, run away and never return .

seriously, I wouldn't get involved. if this family are all slagging each other off to you, you can bet your bottom dollar that you're discussed during your conversations with them as well. If you get involved in this, it will all be your fault.

I get the message, we will remain impartial and frustrated!