Bit of a long relationship post mortem. And maybe some regrets it's over. Heard something brought back good memories.
Some things are big but I'm wondering if they could be worked on ( posted at length, would rather not rehash).
And anyway I'm trying to gauge if we had more general problems. Examples
After a few years together, I one found some photos of his ex who he had lived with in his box of bits and pieces - he had it out as we had sentimental holiday things put away in it. It was just after a row over moving in together. He had changed his mind after several years of talking about it. So the photos upset me. I was young. I realised soon after I should respect his memories etc. But at the time he said he'd throw them away. Several years later, living together, I was searching for cigarettes (genuinely) while he was out. Found photos in his briefcase. I was really upset. No apology.
Another occasion several years on I looked through this email. A lot of his friends (30 somethings) were going to strip clubs at the time and while I trusted that he didn't I was curious about what these group lad emails planning night out out were like. Yep I was snooping. Didn't find much except an email to a friend - both senior management same organisation - my husband was talking about recruiting staff and how he was hoping to hire another good looking female. It was all a bit laddish. Friend warning him off at messing around in work. I was sickened but never mentioned it as I'd been snooping.
Another issue from that. i strongly disagree with strip clubs, lapdancing etc. As does he. He has only gone when he has felt he has to, like close friends stag dos. If you actually disagree you don't go at all do you?
These are all small incidents over years. Throw in a bit of flirting when drunk with other women. Very mild flirting.
Ignoring the obvious trust issues in my part, are these incidents which would bother you in a LTR?
Some a long time ago but still while we were in LTR or married.
In themselves - would these have been things that mattered to you. I think they did to me but had no self esteem. Which equally could mean I'm remembering feelings that were disproportionate.
If you have humoured me with reading this thank you. If your reaction is that it all sounds silly, I understand. I already feel silly posting trivial things.