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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling unwanted

31 replies

user1473410376 · 09/09/2016 10:43

I walked in on my husband having a wank last night (we sleep in separate rooms).

Nothing too wrong with that, right? But the thing is that I have not felt wanted by him for a very long time. Whenever we have sex (not that often) it is always initiated by me. A few days ago I offered him a blowjob but he said no thank you - 'too much wanking'. I said no problem dear let me know when ;)

We have been married for nearly 10 years. I am (still) young, good looking. I want to feel desired. I don't have it in my life. Sometimes I wonder what single life would be like.

He doesn't come from intercourse either. It makes me feel even more undesirable.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1473410376 · 09/09/2016 15:22

What also gets me is that he gets upset with me being upset. So I walked in on him last night, this morning he tried to laugh it off. I said it is a big deal to me in a whole grand scheme of our relationship. I said I felt it was going down the pan. He retorted that clearly the therapy didn't work then. I agreed and said I don't want to have it again.

Now we are both at work and not a peep from him all day. I am sure he is sulking.

OP posts:
ilivehappilyeverafter · 09/09/2016 15:34

Just keep in the back of your mind, it's not you it's him that has the issues. Therapy will not work because he doesn't think he has a problem. I had the sulking and child like tantrums if I ever dared climax before him (the damn cheek of me 😂). I went off sex and that was hard, but he didn't see the issues even if I screamed till I was blue in the face. When we broke up, he said it was because I wasn't having enough sex with him and I made him feel unwanted believe it or not. I have to laugh now as the OW who thought he was worth the taking will be finding all of this out by now Smile

Original poster
user1473410376 · 09/09/2016 16:05

Ilivehappilyeverafter

What a tool! Grin thanks for sharing. We tend to think they will see the truth but sometimes it's wishful thinking...

OP posts:
user1465869811 · 09/09/2016 16:29

Maybe consider what it is you really want. A man? Sex? To be loved?

Security? Routines?

Are you scared of being lonely (aren't we all)..

Preserve yourself, start to work our how to enjoy life and consider carefully how to achieve it. Life is too short

ilivehappilyeverafter · 09/09/2016 17:17

Just want you to know you are not alone and it's not something that you can 'fix'.

Original poster
user1473410376 · 09/09/2016 20:33

I do like a routine. And a home. Someone to come home to.

But when my visceral needs are compromised I can't help but think whether I need to act.

But I always doubt that my actions would be right. And nothing ever changes.

OP posts:
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