Is this pure coincidence?

[Bestofthebest]

I'm a late 30s man, relatively shy and had a very hard time in my teens and twenties. For various reasons including depression, assumed family responsibilities and shyness, I didn't have any romance in my life until I was 30. All 3 women including I have just found out my current girlfriend have been abused either emotionally/sexually/physically in the past. I had counselling today and my counsellor said it was because I am a safe unthreatening man and so a convenient bridge back to a normal love life for these women. I know you don't know me, just wondered what you thought?

For yet another perspective, maybe these women tell you about their experiences because they trust you.
It doesn't mean that women going out with other men haven't suffered, but it's possible that those other men simply aren't prepared to listen or the women don't trust them enough to open up.

So, it may not be that you don't go out with more women who have suffered than any other men. You may just get to hear about it, while they don't.

I think you're being a little harsh, Kr1stina, warning OP about his friends. They're probably other nice blokes like him. Birds of a feather really do stick together, you know. Also, although you're right that there are plenty of abusive men about, there are at least as many lovely ones.

The majority of the men I've known in my life have been great. Some have been more than great. I've known some real bastards, but only a few.

I wasn't warning him about his friends . I referred to " men you know " . That might be a neighbour, colleague, the man who works in the chip shop , someone at your gym.

And why would the OP need warned ? We are talking about men who mistreat women (it's in his OP ) and bestofthebest is a man .

I'm sure there are lost of lovely men about. But we are not talking about them. Surely we are grown up enough to not have to preface every comment about violence with NAMALT?

We seem to be able to discuss, for example, dangerous drivers without having to say "'I'm sure most drivers are great " .

Some people seem to find it very hard to acknowledge the genderised nature of violence in our society .

Following on from what Lweji said, maybe you are a good listener so people open up to you more ?

Your counsellor is a twat.

I have never actually witnessed any violence against women not am I close to anyone who has, I believe, been violent or abusive to a woman. I am beginning to think this is part of the problem. Non abusive men don't know well any abusive men so when you hear about it in the media it takes on this kind of abstract quality. In my case I thank God sometimes for my depression as although I've been to some very dark places my eyes would never have been opened to others suffering without it. I genuinely think I would not have heard the things I heard, even sad stories that were hard to hear, without revealing my own trip to the emotional underworld. I have to admit through I haven't really worked out a strategy to practically continue to the battle against abuse of women. I realise not doing it myself is not enough.

Well I think that listening and believing is is a good first step .and. Calling out any bad attitudes or comments you hear is helpful to.

Having been through some tough times has obviously given you some empathy for others .

Is it your depression that's led you to counselling ? Are you sure it's helping you?