First Baby due any day soon - how to cope with string of visitors

[SELMUM]

My first baby is due soon. DH and I live 250 miles from my parents and MIL (both have tendency to interfere and take over home when come to stay!). Think we will be under intense pressure to allow family to visit asap (but clearly too far for them to come and go in 1 day!). Also there will be rivalry between who sees baby first.
I am not keen to have lots of family descend as want time to bond and try to establish breastfeeding without interfering M and MIL. DH wants to keep peace and doesn't always see my concerns. How can I get what I want without offending parents, MIL but most importantly without falling out with DH.

HELP?

You will somehow have to get your dh to understand this issue. Have you a friend with children who you could get to phone your home at a time when dh is bound to answer...having primed her to offer him "a word of advice" about visitors. She could perhaps over egg it by telling some tale of how she and her dh were "overwhelmed" at first by too many visitors staying too long etc.

I ABSOLUTELY (sorry) understand where tou're coming from btw. Good luck !

My parents and inlaws also live over 200 miles away, so to far for a day visit, but booked into a local b and b when they first visit so as not to put as under too much pressure. It was a great compromise, maybe you could suggest something similar ?

similar problem being discussed here

good luck

and don't forget that these visitors aren't supposed to be there to 'visit' and be waited on - they are suposed to be there to help you. So if they do all turn up uninvited you are expected to delegate everything to dh and them while you lie in state alone in bed with baby (if you wish) or swanning around in your dressing gown eating treats. If you don't want to breastfeed with an audience just tell them that. Do not lift a finger or raise a brain cell to worry about feeding them or housing them. They are all capable of ordering a takeaway and making a camp bed. This is the one time in your life when you will be forgiven anything - enjoy

Quite honestly i found it a bit of a nightmare i wish i had stayed in hospital longer with dd2 tbh so that is what i would advise or tell them in advance that you won't be up to seeing any of them in the first week and would really appreciate if they could give you some space then when they do come down you can enjoy them being around you when you're feeling a bit more human?

Your mother's should both know what it is like and having some understanding, my mil was very understanding as was my mum the only problem i had really was coming out of hospital too soon, no one visited me in hosp because i was out by midday (didnt go on the ward until almost midnight) so when i got home at 1pm we had to unpack settle baby etc, pil's brought dd1 home from school for us and from then until 10.30pm we had a strem of visitors no-one stayed too long but everyone came and it was just far too much for me.

Don't feel bad about saying you don't want to see anyone for the first 2- 3 (??) days. Hated having ILS waiting in my house when I got back from hospital with dd1. You will be the one who has had to go through childbirth, it will be up to you to establish breastfeeding, IMO dh should be bending over backwards to make things as easy for you as possible.

Distance thing is a problem - maybe do what missmapp suggests. If not possible, ask them to stay for the minimum time you can and say that you would love to have them back again in a month's time when you feel more settled.

If your DH is anything like mine and won't say no to his mother under any circumstances you will have to take the bull by the horns and tell them straight "come on suchnsuch day- I'm too tired for visitors before that". I went through the visiting routine 4 times waiting for my DH to once stand up for me and say "go away" but he never did. My first is almost 21 years old and I am still very bitter about the way he put his parents wishes before my needs.

(and the ILs just "visit", which involves grabbing the baby and just sitting there for literally hours. At least my dm makes herself useful).

Agree with missmapp - can you suggest they stay in nearby cottage or b&b? You'll have to be tough and say you will want time to yourselves. One of the best roles dh can have is to be tough with people and keep them away when you;ve had enough.

MIL has offered to stay in hotel, but think she has ideas of DH's other siblings coming with her. They are all younger than DH and have no children/spouses. found it bad enough at xmas/new year having my house invaded and was only 34 -35 weeks pg then!
My parents equally as bad and have been known to behave like children when they don't get own way. Using emotinal blackmail. My M always moans about how her MIL treated her when my B was born and when I have pointed this out then back tracks and says she was grateful for the help! Haven't suggested the hotel approach yet to them - not sure they will agree.
We have said so far that we will let people know when they can come but still not sure when I will feel up to it. Also not helped by fact baby due just before school half term and my parents work in a school as does BIL, so perfect opportunity for them to come down! (Bad timing on conception there me feels!). DH wants everyone to see baby asap thinking they will then clear off and leave us in peace - think he is wrong on that front.
Problem I forsee is everyone wanting to take over baby and me being over protective or over emotional and then everyone thinking I can't cope. My M had PND with my B and has already convinced herself that I will have it - probably will if everyone gets on my nerves too much!
I know everyone excited but I feel like I am just a walking womb producing a baby for everyone else and not me and DH.
Hoping DH sees light and just how challenging a new baby will be - he is very laid back and his reaction to everything is 'it will be fine'.

Helps to let of steam on MN!

Cheers everyone!

DOn´t worry about offending, just get prepared to do a big apology in X months time about how much your hormones must have affected you. I lived thousands of miles away from my family when baby was born and had a full house for 6 weeks after the birth. I feel that this really prevented me from establishing breastfeeding and bonding and did a real disservice to my baby. Having said this I also ran around cooking and clearing up after my family and this really didn´t help. Get them in a B & B, say anything but get what you want. I SO SO REGRET not doing this and will be as hard as nails next time round.