Am I too old to feel excited?

[toots321]

I'm 39 single 6 years. Awful dating experience. I met a guy a year ago he has 3 children and lives at home. Has his children every weekend. (Wrote a post last week about that little dilemma ) I am a nursing student and life is quite full on (wrote a post about that too 🙈) mumsnet has been like my best friend lately
I have absolutely no time to shave my legs let alone anything exciting.
My question is should I miss this guy? Should I want to make time to see him? My life is so busy. I have uni deadlines so have told him I need to stop weekends as it's always at mine 6 kids (his 3 and my 3) and a mountain of housework.
I can't see him every night anymore (he would come her before a night shift and have teams nights) so yes he probably is feeling a little insecure with all these changes but I have too much else to think about with my daughter find ding it difficult to settle into comprehensive school and uni/work myself. I have tried to explain how busy I am. He popped in for a coffee the other morning and asked if he was going to get rewarded for being understanding and did I want to pop upstairs for a shag! (Sorry his words) Nice! He knew I was stressed. He knew I couldn't do homework over the summer with kids home. He knew I was upset over my daughter. Anyway no more coffees either now! So now I feel guilty as he keeps asking to pop in. Then I'm thinking shouldn't I want him to? I said we will have a date night but he has his kids every weekend so he asked if I wanted free fish and chips for tea.
I'm sorry it's long.....The only question I wanted to ask was shouldn't I feel excited about him calling? Texting? Wanting to go out with him? Miss him? Feel like as a partner he makes my life easier? Less pressure?

I want to feel excited....my mum says at this age apparently not!

You're not that into him, and what what you have told us about him, it's not that surprising.

I wouldn't waste anymore time on this relationship.

He says he can't afford it. I have told him money is tight with me but I can't just go and live with my parents. He doesn't like me talking about it. Yes, basically I think that's what he wants. Meet someone who has a place I guess. He doesn't have a long term plan he has been home for 3 years.
He mentioned when I'm qualified getting a four/ five bed and I said I'm not going to be on a fortune. He said we'll if we buy a 3 bed we can buy a bed settee so his children have a room. I couldn't even answer that one. I said you need a deposit to buy a house. This is another thing g it will be me paying the deposit as there is a little equity in my house. This is why I have decided there is no way I'm struggling for 3 years and then not even have a bedroom. Whilst he has no money issues for 3 years, treats his kids every weekend because he can and then move into a 4 bed house. In his dreams! I'm getting mad now!

Your age has nothing to do with how you are feeling.

Your problem is simple. YOU HAVE TOO MUCH ON YOUR PLATE.

6 children, is far too many for you to cope with, especially with your studies. The very thought of having 6 kids under my roof is enough to make me break out in to a hot sweat.

He might be the right guy for you (who knows), but the circumstances are untenable, I think.

You should be excited about him, tummy flips and just generally a bit hot under the collar for him. You're not.

He sounds a bore and a cocklodger. Dtmfa.

This is so simple, you know when it's right, this isn't.

Bin, and relaaaaax......

I'm 42 and still feel very excited about seeing my boyfriend. I fancy the pants off him and love spending time with him more than anyone. He's taking me away for the weekend and I couldn't be more excited. So the answer to your question is a resounding no.

I still like having my space tho, it's v important to me. I still see my friends a lot and have quality time with them. He would see me a lot more but I feel its v important to take things slowly. Even in the honeymoon stages when you kind of want to spend every waking hour together, I feel its so much healthier to have a life outside of your relationship too.

Hotnatured That's exactly how it should be & you have the balance sorted by the sounds it things

OP, that is exactly how it should be, you could do far better

Has he ever actually "dated" you. Taken you out for meals, drinks, days out etc?

We have been out a few times. Difficult with him having his kids and me having mine. Also work schedules. He has cooked also.

My bf has a young daughter he looks after often. But he does not make me into her nanny. We can't get to see each other much right now and don't have that much private time, but I still look forward to seeing him as we have a nice time together - even if we are just watching TV or eating together. I read your other thread and in your case his visits just mean a huge amount of stress.
His last relationship broke down because he's not willing to change anything on weekends and no intention of getting his own place.
If he hasn't changed anything why on earth did he think this would be any different? He needs to either face up to the fact that he can't have a relationship in those conditions, or change something. He can't just stubbornly insist that everyone around him bends to his wishes.

Thanks everyone I have certainly released some emotions writing and reading today. It's definitely helped. I have been feeling super guilty up until now.

Wow, the house plans...he presumes an awful lot. Parasite comes to mind. I agree with pps- your life will be easier without him around.

He is using you and I think, sponging from you. Sponging from a single parent student isn't a very attractive trait. He should be bringing you a heap of treats, wine, flowers and gratitude for welcoming his DC into your home every weekend. He's not though. He's offered you 'free fish and chips' that oh so generous fellow.

You don't have the resources for this in time, energy or emotional space. I suspect you could wave him goodbye without much of a pang and a lot of relief.

He doesn't want to move until you can buy a bigger house for you all...says it all. Move on and good luck with your career.

He is obviously feeling a little insecure as I have had texts all week since saying it's too much on weekends and I have lots to do through the week. I suggested date night. He is sending texts like. You know I love you and would do anything for you. Thankyou for giving us a chance. I'm the luckiest guy on the planet.
I understand and completely agree with everything everyone is saying. I just wonder if now I have made changes it's down to him to do so. Like take me out! If he doesn't get his own place and happy to have his kids at his parents then so be it. Or is the fact I never want to live with him and not too bothered if I don't see him on weekends enough? What I'm saying is do I see how things go as I've made changes?

Ps thankyou

I remember your other threads.

I think you're over thinking this.

The thing is, you're an incredibly busy lady, I get that. But this man should be adding to your life, making it happier, making you feel special. Everything should improve because he's in your life.

Instead it seems that he's added pressure, extra work, his kids descending at weekends, etc.

It's not working, so end it.

The balance is skewed, you're giving, he's taking.
Stop worrying what other people, family think, it doesn't matter.
Like my nursing daughter says, 'Sometimes the juice just ain't worth the grind!'

If you didn't have your mum saying that you can't expect excitement, and if you weren't feeling guilty and that you ought to give him another chance because he's being apologetic and enthusiastic after realising you were withdrawing - what would your choice be? Are you just settling for the sake of having someone, cos it feels more comfortable than thinking about being single?

Being single doesn't worry me. I was single for a long time. It worries me that maybe I'll never feel excited. It worries me I let go of someone that would do anything for me. I don't have family.
I know I'm going around and around and maybe thinking too much.

Way too much!

You're not excited by him because he's not the man for you.

You will be excited when you meet a man who is.

But he doesn't do anything for you - he might say he will, but he brings more work, more childcare, more demands on your time, more demands on your pocket - you don't like to ask him round or ask him to do anything for you because he expects sex or something in return. He expects you to fund his future lifestyle of a bigger house but isn't making any efforts to be an equal partner in creating that future. So what the hell is this anything he'd do for you?!

Ok thankyou
Thankyou everyone for today. I feel better in knowing I have people to chat to about this. It's been driving me bonkers for a while!