This isn't a compliment is it?!

[MalodyandJim]

On a date at the weekend.

Him: You look really good darling, I wouldn't usually go for women like you

Me: um....ok

Him: No no it's a compliment, I usually go for women with big boobs and big bums, I love a big bum

Me: yeah that's actually quite rude

Him: no it's a compliment because I really fancy you and you're not my usual type at all

I should mention here that I am rake thin and totally flat chested

It's a major back handed compliment isn't it? Or actually not even a compliment! I think the fact it made me feel like shit tells me everything I need to know.

What do you think? Cack handed compliment or purposeful 'negging'?

Quite, Trills. As one of the two people on that date, OP, you also get a vote, you know that, right?

Yes yes yes, I knew I was right!

Usually go with my gut, it didn't make me feel good so off you fuck Mr. Love some of these replies. And yes he did follow it up with a load of guff and how he loves my mind. Even the classic "most women don't think like you" . Not sure why men think that's a compliment either

3rd date

Run, this man's a total knob end.

You're not like other girls

I also wonder if the "I don't usually fancy your type" is shorthand for "you'll make a good shag but I don't see this going the distance, so rein in your expectations."

Thank you Moos, that's one of the vilest things I've ever read.

What an idiot.

I had a similar experience but in the other direction. Some slimey arse said to me ' its really funny, because I fancy you and you fancy me and I normally only go for slim girls.'

I said thats 'really, really rude' and left. Later he texted me to ask if there was something wrong. I texted him and said your slim girl preference is your issue but I'm not going to let it become mine. I refused to see him again. The presumption that I fancied him, the presumption that it was a compliment, the presumption that I would be grateful.....

Ugh, Mummy, what a nasty creep.

I think the idea that women should be flattered if a man fancies them is a really dangerous one.

It's why we're supposed to be OK with being groped/cat called/insulted/stalked.

We're just so lucky a man wants to fuck us.

The puppy comparison from pp is spot on.

Why would you want to spend time with someone who talks like this?!

That link is brilliant!

This one particularly: don't ever compliment me by insulting other women that's not a compliment, it's a competition none of us agreed to

Years ago I remember a date saying to me 'you're actually quite pretty but we just need to sort out your hair and clothes'. I replied 'I'm happy as I am thanks and don't bother contacting me again'. It's good to have a name to put to this attitude - negging. I wish mumsnet had been around 20 years ago!

Op, you've done well to work out that this man isn't good relationship material. Never lose the gut feeling that tells you that someone isn't worth another date.