Do you warn your abusive exes new gf that he is abusive?

[Zumbarunswim]

Should you warn your abusive exes new gf about his behaviour? Is there ever a reason to justify doing so? Is it the morally right thing to do? A tiny part of me thinks I should at least try but I think doing so would make me look crazy (and validate his most likely version of events of me being bitter/not right in the head/having post natal depression ) the alternative is to let her find out the same way I did and be driven practically round the bend questioning herself when he turns everything back on her. When I finally left him I apologised to his ex for believing his version that she was the bad one and she confirmed that he had done the same and worse to her. She said she should have warned me but I don't know if i would have listened as he is very charming at first. I feel like I know more than she does though as I know what he did to me and her so it's more like a pattern of behaviour than a one-off.

Please do. My ex was also violent. I never met his ex wife but heard all of the usual stories about what a psycho she was, and how I was nothing like that. It turned out that my FIL, SIL and presumably the rest of my inlaws all knew he had been violent to his ex wife and none of them breathed a word. I lived through 9 years of emotional financial and then physical abuse. If I had known he had done it previously I may have recognised it for what is was far earlier in my marriage.

We are nc now but I would tell any future partner that I got to know of.

Sorry you have all been through this :( I don't understand how a family can cover this stuff up - my exes family knew about his abuse and also made out like he was the victim. If any of my sons did what he did I would disown them not cover for them! I think I will try and devise a carefully worded factual message. He is a police sergeant so I'm not scared he will do anything publically physical if he finds out but I am still quite scared of him.

I think 'quiet' abuse may be harder to raise with his new partner. My STBXH was a passive-aggressive manipulative liar. It slowly took over our relationship to the point that I was always wrong and felt a failure.

He left me for OW 8 months ago, but he's putting on big pretence of being brilliant person (from what I can see through DCs contact). His parents validate his actions as someone whom fell out of love, rather than an emotional leach (I'd started to ask him to change and was less submissive).

If I told OW the truth I seriously believe that she would laugh in my face. If I hear through DCs that there have been arguments, I will contact her.