Sex drive

[Whatisit76]

What does a high sex drive feel like?

My dp says he has a really high sex drive but I just don't get it as clearly I don't. He can get irritable if he doesn't have regular sex and says he can't help it!

I never have a strong urge to have sex. I have to be completely in the mood and that means the build up needs a bit of effort. I have never had the urge to just jump on someone without a bit of build up.

Does it feel different as I am trying to understand how he feels when I don't want to. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't push it but will always have a go and would do it 2 times a day if I was in the mood.

To be honest once every couple of weeks would do me. I have never put sex at the top of my priority list. It's not that I don't enjoy it, I do but just don't feel a need to do it all of the time!

I have had spells where I have gone over a year without when single and it hasn't overly bothered me.

I can see it coming between us if this mismatch continues.

Is it hard to live with when you have a high sex drive and your partner doesn't?

rhodes2015 I'm in the same boat, but confused by most of the responses here because seem to be from blokes. Also, apologies if double posting because initial page disappeared as typing.

Unfortunately, I have no answer. I tried to keep affection up but seriously upsetting when you're continuously rejected - at least you have some cuddles! Obviously, we've talked but to no avail. Too much and too personal to go into but I won't have an affair; lack of intimacy has killed my libido too! He's only my second partner - and I used to blush every time I thought of him - no Chandelier was safe if ye olde days!

Best of luck. x

I agree with roar also.

Everyone's preferences are different. It can be a deal break breaker though.

Mis matched libidos can be hard on both sides.

Sorry OP, but based on my experience it won't work out. You will be both miserable, you both want different things from that critical aspect of a relationship.

Be fair to yourself and partner and acknowledge that. Don't leave it drag on unaddressed.

I have had spells where I have gone over a year without when single and it hasn't overly bothered me

Based on this comment, I would say that you have an extremely low sex drive. You don't say how old you are, but it's very common for libido to increase in your late 30's.

Have you considered whether you still fancy your Partner?

In my 20's, I could go weeks without sex. I don't know if this is because I was raising young children, or because I didn't fancy my (then) H very much. He was my first sexual Partner, and he was a short, thin man and I had always fantasised about being with a bigger guy. Anyway, I left him in the end because he kept cheating. My now DH is a very big guy. Very tall and broad and I want sex with him all the time. Is it because I'm older/kids have grown/fancy him more...probably a mix of all of these things. If we go a few weeks without (shift patterns), yes I am very irritable. I could not have related to this, when I was in that part of my life with a lower drive.

How is your intimacy otherwise? Do you hug, kiss, hold hands, spend quality child-free time together? You may find an increase in your desire to have sex if you both make time for those things.

I think mine is medium to high but I am single, i have had sex for a long time (well over a year) but I am choosing this, although it can be horrible and I agree about it not being about the sex it's about the intimacy I want it to be with the right person.

I have always fluctuated and the biggest thing that's really driven mine low has been a relationship that otherwise wasn't very good. When I have felt like I am special and having fun, appreciated and life outside of the bedroom is not too high pressure then I think mine is medium to high. So many things can affect it and I think the person you are having it with is a vital component. It hasn't worked for me with anyone long term when it is mismatched but then I think it was about more than sex, it was that we were not compatible in many other ways and the passion wasn't there for one person.

I had a high sex drive until my health conked out. Yes, it can make you irritable but that's no-one else's fault. The 'itch' is easily relieved by a bit of DIY sex.

I agree it's a bigger problem if physical intimacy is lacking in the relationship - some people only kiss, touch & pay attention to their partners as a prelude to sex. That's pretty soul destroying.

What is it that he actually wants?

If it's sexual release, he should do it himself all the times you are not up for it.

Just because you are hungry doesn't mean you should have a gourmet meal every time!

Let him DIY and then when he does it with you, it's a treat.

Well yes you can DIY its a quick fix but its not the same. Especially if you do find yourself doing that a lot more then perhaps you ought . Whatever ought might quantify as;!

FWIW HuskyLover1 made a comment re increasing drives after 30 years old. A very interesting read is Women's infidelity by Michelle Langley,

womensinfidelity.com/

It's around as a PDF download from some sources she makes mention of this very increase thing in her research it leads to mayhem because of that. Not everyone agrees with her but its quite an eye opener all the same.