Is my husband lying or am I overreacting?

[LoubieLolo]

I’ve been with my DH for 20 years, married for 4 and have two kids, 6 and 2. He works away from home Mon-Fri while I work FT and look after the kids. We’ve struggled in this time, had ups and downs, as he’s tired at weekends and often distant and sleeping lots so doesn’t always spend as much as time as a family as I‘d like. To be honest I’m tired then as well and we have the kids activities and housework to do so sometimes get into a rut. Every month we try to have one night out which is great and we enjoy it.
Anyway last year I discovered that he had been texting a girl from work saying things like “need to see your beautiful smile again”, which really hurt me. He said that she was going through a difficult time and he was trying to cheer her up, which hurt as I was also going through a difficult time being made redundant and coping with a difficult toddler and felt like I got little support from him. He agreed that it was inappropriate and that he wouldn’t do anything like that again.

Then earlier this year he started a new job. He was working late and a few times he said that he was working too late to get the train home on Friday night and came home Saturday afternoon. Then one weekend he said he was working too late again so came home on the Saturday night. I found a receipt on the bed from a cocktail bar dated the Friday night and was devastated at the thought that he would lie like that. He admitted doing this several times before and we had a long talk where he promised not to do it again and said that he lied because it’s easier. We said that we would make more time for each other.

This weekend I found a text to his friend where he sent a photo of a girl and “this is the girl I’m teaching guitar (smiley face)”. I know I shouldn’t have looked but something made me do it. Now I just don’t know what to think. I asked him to talk about what he gets up to while he’s away as I felt I didn’t really know, he talked about being in a band and how he works late mostly. I asked him if there was anything else he did with his time and he said no.

So now I just don’t know what to think. I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but I just feel he’s lying again. Maybe it’s innocent but then why lie? I’m all over the place and don’t know whether I’m overreacting.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

Well done for being strong.

I work in a hotel which is a regular mon-fri Base for corporate guests. For every one guest who "behaves" there is at least one who doesn't.

We have guests who check in online day one, never come for their key, then check out online on the last day and we send them their receipt. They never stay. I wonder where they do stay as they aren't local and are at work every day.

We have guests who in their preferences request connecting rooms with one another. Shifty as fuck.

We have guests who sometimes stay on the weekends between and we never know whether it's the wife or the mistress who will join them. Usually they look so similar too. I had one instance where a Scottish woman rang for a guest (knew the name and room nunber) then about 10mins later a woman who sounded identical and I said "oh was there no answer before, sorry" and they've not rung before.

It's fucking shit that there are some men out there who cannot think or see past what's in front of their face. No thought or consideration for what's at home.

Bastard