Not quite sure what I want to get out of this but I'm feeling like I need to put it down in writing as I'm feeling quite sad. A bit of background. Been with H for 18 years (married for 2). Things have not been good for some years in a fundamental way. We get on fine in a day to day way but anything deeper is difficult. We've been having counselling recently due to things coming to a head and his reaction to me saying I'd had enough. We are learning a lot about each other in counselling but I have discovered, and am struggling with the fact, that he is financially abusive. He has always been unemotional. A happy guy on the surface but kind of missing the bit that goes any deeper. I can tell from things we have discussed that somewhere in him is something deeply wrong that he either can't or won't address. I've seen it in his body language when he talks about money, his whole demeanour changes. I've told him I'm done with it all and he doesn't even seem able to come back with an emotional response. After 18 years and 2 kids. Its a bit robotic. And unnerving. And I'm now questioning everything that has gone on in the past.
I said in a session that I was now thinking that he has done things far more consciously than he ever made out. No response from him. No denial, no admittance, just a kind of slightly sad silence. I feel that I don't know him at all. For what its worth, he's not a bad man but I think he has some very hidden very screwed up parts to him that he's never addressed before. He's not the man I thought I knew.
Before anyone says, I am in the process of getting my ducks lined up and have been in touch with 3 solicitors for advice which should happen this week.
Mostly I have my practical head on but sometimes I feel like I am about to fall apart. The last 18 years of my life feel like they have been based on a lie. 