Need some reassurance tonight...

[Confusedlecturer]

Background...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2671581-Heartbroken-and-confused

I've been back from France for a few days, he came back to the family home yesterday to pack his bags and he leaves in the morning. He's trying to be nice, and wants to be civilised and it's killing me. I can't even seem to get angry with him yet, every time I hear him/see him I cry. I cannot believe my 25 year marriage is over and I've had no choice in the matter. It has also transpired that he's actually been having an affair for three bloody years, not ten months - I confronted him and he admitted it... How did I not know?

I feel so alone, he is off to his other woman and I am left to pack up the family home and get out by the end of November. Our three children ar still devestated, I'm thinking of persuading the 18 y o to see the GP, she can't sleep and cries every night still. I'm hoping once he's gone tomorrow I will start to sort myself out, I just feel so pathetic.

Sorry for the whinging - this is just not me usually... But you all helped me so much when this first happened.

How are you feeling today? Xx

Hi, just back from a long day inducting my new post grad students, so that really took my mind off things, they are such a lovely bunch!

Today's nastiness... He told the lettings agent that they could let themselves in anytime they wanted to do specs for the house and show prospective tenants around! Luckily I found out as they later called the home number (and my son answered) to say they were coming in Friday so can I drop some keys off for them!

I was livid, I don't want people here without me, luckily I explained what had happened to the agency who said they had no idea of the situation - he said we were all moving for work! Anyway they were great, have sorted out times with me and agreed that I should be present for viewings and agree to all days/ times etc, they are not going to deal with him.

Hopefully I'll start getting really angry now... Thanks for all your comments, they mean so much, it's very lonely here at the moment.

Arsehole. Do a Sally Webster and start cooking cabbage before they come haha xx

Hmmm, could just claim I'm doing the cabbage soup diet for the next few months!!

All of a sudden it's turned into a bad night. I'm desperately lonely, missing him so much and can't stop crying... Been like this for 3 hours. No idea what started it. Please can someone tell me I won't be like this for ever...

Hello, if you are still up. This is just a dark night of the soul. How you feel tonight may be quite different to how you feel in the morning. One day at a time.

remember what pp said about the stages. They don't all come in order.

It's a rollercoaster of emotions but you will get off it stronger and happier at the end.

Take each day as it comes and focus on each day being one day closer to being stronger

Thank you both... I must have cried myself to sleep, I woke up on the sofa at 4.30am, feel shattered now and still a bit miserable. This is such a horrible roller coaster... I just want to get off. I dont understand how the man who seemed to love me for over 20 years could suddenly do this to us?

Because the man who loved you for over 20 years no longer exists. He's gone to the other side - and he's had ages (all the time he's been having an affair) to come to terms with it, whilst you've had it sprung on you. You are still in a form of shock. Be kind to yourself, wallow if you want to, and then come back fighting.

Of course you don't want anything to do with him - and the fact he seems to think you should just goes to show how little he understands what he's done. Chin up, grit your teeth - a lot of us have been there and come through it, and so will you.

I've said this many times before on here, but sometimes it's a case of a day at a time, or an hour at a time or even a quarter of an hour at a time.

I can't remember if it's been mentioned, but I also recommend the Runaway Husbands book.

Oh hunni I can feel your heartbroken by you're post and writing style. If he is famous and on TV you should let everyone know what a cheat and liar he is. You maybe don't want to do that or cause yourself more pain but I'd tell the world what a horrible person he is amd what he is putting you all through. Xx

And sweetie I promise one day you will wake up and be happy. This sadness / grief womt last forever. You will get angry (real angry then go back to sadness and so on until each day becomes a little easier and you start smiling . One day you will look.back and wonder what you saw in him . Things womt always feel this way xx

God his callousness is astounding and he is still calling the shots after shitting all over your marriage.

Time to get angry OP and have no contact with him unless you really have to, he's been cheating on you for at least 3 years and then has the audacity to tell you he's off and how it's going to play out, time you told him I think no?

Sorry you are suffering, what a cruel man.