help

[feelinglow]

i need some sort of counselling ive known that for a while really but things have escalated. where do you go (ps have mentioned it to my gp and he just skirts round the subject just dishes out prozac, which i have stopped taking they made me gain so much weight. I would rather talk my problems through than sort of block them out with pills. I just dont know where you find these counseller people, abit wary can anyone help me?? i have no-one i can talk to as people like my mom think i am fine and if i ever start to hint she just changes the subject and says what about poor so and so

Firstly sorry you are feeling low and that you have no-one to talk to. I hope that mumsnet will help.

You didn't mention a specific issue, but if it is a relationship issue you could try Relate, number in Yellow Pages. Most GP surgeries can refer you to counselling, you may just need to be forceful - even threaten a complaint. Other than that voluntary organisations such as churches, charities, community groups etc may offer counselling or be able to point you in the right direction.

I hope you get the help you need.

Thankyou

My problems are relationship based

I know the exactly what you mean with family just glossing over it! My Mum was the same when I had PND 4years ago. But i forced her to talk to me about it. I had to shock her first though..... I told the brutal truth about just how low I was and how hopeless I felt. It started out as a total screaming match and we didn't talk for a couple of days afterwards..... but something changed in our relationship and now she 'gets it'. She will never understand, but at least I now feel like I can talk to her about it.

I'm not depressed now, but I know how you feel. My depression was PND, but I know my terrible marriage contributed hugely to it too. I was thoroughly miserable.

If you feel you can elaborate here then please do. I found MN better than Counselling!

We have been married about 16 years and have split up in that time. He actually left me for someone but came back in the end. We were apart for 2 years.

My main feeling is that when we were apart i liked myself, but now i dont. I was devestated when he first went though. He begged and begged to come back. In the end i gave in.

I still dont trust him deep down. But worst of all i feel crap for having him back, and its been 18 months. I am embarassed when i see people. I even feel like my kids think i am weak for having him back and i want to been seen as strong. I am still full of repressed anger, he didnt just leave me, he flaunted it and basically was callous and nasty to me.

Also whilst we were apart i found out he had never really been faithful...people tell you things when they think it is over.

i have said to him i want to know every woman and all the details and then maybe i could move on but he refuses to talk about "the past".

He can be very nasty after drinking, says really hurtful things. Made me cry the other day in front of my teenage son. it was awful. called me a bastard and a twat, stormed out and got really drunk. this was cos i had a go when he came home. He wasnt answering his phone, i got frustrated i kept ringing and ringing. i know where he was, but i think he should answer after everything that has happened. His departing words as he left me were "i'm going out, dont you dare phone me again" beer talk. He moans and says his friends get more freedom etc and i say well they didnt have an affair.

bump

THis sounds like a form of dv , he appears to be very controlling of you and expects you to forgive him,if you were happier without him think what it was that made you feel happier

Today he is saying my lack of trust will be the reason for our marriage ending. He says he is fed up of always having to let me know exactly where he is. He just said this is the way it is and if i dont like it to leave. So he is staying out again, and will no doubt come in drunk again. its just not fair.

i dont know what to do. Cant tell anyone close family warned me not to have him back.

i wish i could stop crying. The biggest strain is having to act really happy in front of everyone. My mom went through so much stress because of me, i cant rely on her again it is not fair

Why are you still with him? He sounds irredeemably awful. I don't think counselling will help your fundamental problem, which is him.

Have you thought about splitting up again, this time for good? It isn't impossible to start a life on your own. What's holding you back? Is it the money, or are you worried about finding somewhere to live, or about being alone? Because there's plenty of financial support available for single parents, and no matter how difficult things are at first, being alone can't be any worse than what you're going through at the moment.

Aww, babe! First off sending you masses of good wishes and sympathetic hugs.
Phoning the Samaritans is a good thing to do - they do not judge, do not nag, just listen and sympathise. They can direct you to sources of help but will only do that if you ask them to.

And while I do not know you or your situation, I'm just going to mention that telling you you're mad and it;s all your fault is a very common, very classic tool of abusive people. NO relationship problem is ever one person's fault entirely.

There are an ifininite number of worse things than being single, and being at the mercy of an abuser is moderately high on the list. Breath deep and value yourself and your life.

In the past I have looked up psychotherapy in google and typed in my post code to see what was near me. Generally a psychotherapist will see you for an initial session for free and that way you can see if you would get on with them/ be able to open up to them and they can assess what sort of therapy would suite you best.

If you are in a big toen or city there is generally a reputable centre for psychotherapy or counceling.

Hope that helps abit and you find what your looking for.

Sorry should have been 'big town'

This site was mentioned on another thread - it's the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. You can search by post code.

Your partner sounds dreadful. Are you planning to use therapy to build yourself up to leaving him? If so, sounds like a good plan.

feelinglow - i am so sorry to hear about this. my mother was married to someone similar to your dh. he didn't run off to have affairs, but he tormented my mum with years of pschological abuse, even saying things like "i know how to use a gun, i will shoot you and your children if you ever leave me"

my mum refused to leave him until he died a few months ago. i hadn't seen him for 3 years before he died. she refuses to this day (she is in total denial) to accept that he stole money from her (and from us) and abused her pschologically.

Getting rid of that DENIAL will be the first thing to deal with before you can move on. you need to face the hard facts, my darling.

people like this need to realise the consequences of their behaviour. they need to undersatnd that you LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN too much to put up with their abuse.

perhaps the previous women he was with wouldn't have him either so he is all twisted and bitter about it ? the man married to mum had been married 4 times before, and his longest marriage was to my mum. all the previous ones had left him.

please get some outside help if you feel it helps you deal with it. otherwise there will be lots of people here who can lend an ear.

i hope things get better for you soon