He was addicted to gambling and now has a new addiction - will this ever end?

[orangeistheonlyfruit]

So I uncovered a serious gambling addiction early last year. Thousand in debt etc etc. He goes to gamblers anon and hasn't gambled since - as far as I know.

But now he has a new obsession. Video games. He buys a good few a week - he can't afford them and goes without other stuff he needs - he once a month invites a group of other gamers around (they are are teens and some middle aged!) for an all day session and he continually talks about video games.

Before it was video games it was collecting war memorabilia and before that it was trying to become a you tube phenomenon.

on the flip side it's not gambling right? But I'm really fed up.

Orange- I agree with some of the previous posters that it sounds like he has an addictive personality. When I first heard of this I thought it was a bit of an excuse of people who just wanted an excuse to be selfish arses. But about 10 years ago I found out that an old friend (who in hindsight had always been a bit OTT about everything he was interested in) had a fairly serious drug addiction. He has managed (with counselling and lots of false starts) to eventually become free of drugs but along the way has become obsessed with about one hobby a year- each time ditching everything else and spending all his cash on the hobby. As he is still getting help to stay clean from drugs this has been discussed with his counsellor and more recently has has decided to look for interests that will have a positive impact on his life but has acknowledged that he needs to try to keep some perspective on the importance of his latest interest vs the rest of his life/others around him.

In your case it sounds like your DH has gone beyond just having a hobby and has started putting this before his family (would be interested to know if he has also sidelined his previous friends/whether he is letting this impact his career). Unfortunately I don't think anything will change until he acknowledges that his gaming/other latest hobby is a problem even if he is not gambling.

Dh is always hiding in the study with his mates so the children are never around.

Hmm actually though she said that unthread but can't see it - orange where are the children? Are the random mates around late into the night?

They are always with me, we don't have a study but the dining room is hardy used so he goes in there.

The randoms seem quite nice and always say hello, they sometimes stay intil late yes.

I used to ask him to get rid of them by a certain time but this just caused more arguments.

I've decided to have a talk to him tonight. This is silly.

Ok, so you are married

It doesn't matter whose name is on the mortgage. Half (at least) is yours and you would be due child support

Have you ever consulted CAB or a solicitor to see what your financial rights are ? You will be pleasantly surprised. When he gambled all that money away, that was family money. Your children's future.

And still you are there ? Why ?

He is not going to change. And your children are going to pick up his habits, I guarantee it.

orange

re an earlier comment of yours:-
"Argh where did it all go wrong. I've invested so much and been there to dig him out of the gambling"

Ah the old sunken costs fallacy again (re the I've invested so much comment). Those are sunk costs, people get stuck on those and that just causes people to keep on making poor relationship decisions. You forget that the damage has already been done. You also enabled him re the gambling; that just gave you a false sense of control and doing that did not help him either.

He needs to be out of your day to day life; his addictive personality will always come first. Can you yourself envisage a life without him?

Is this really the role model of a relationship you want to be modelling to your children?. What is in this for you?.

He says I am always having a go at him.

Ah yes, you are the perpetual nag who is out to ruin his fun. He has cast you into the mother role and it isn't getting better.

Been there through an ex smoking hash / online gambling / video games and then finally alcohol at which point I changed the locks. They don't change and you are worth more than this.

Im a bloke, i have a very addictive personality, i used to be hooked on a game called World of warcraft, i kid you not, as soon as i got up in the morning i was on it untill i went to bed, all i would think about when i was at work was warcraft! I played it for 10 years, then i met my missus 3 years ago was still playing up untill last year, it was starting to have an effect on my relationship, realised it was effecting my life, so i went at my £2500 computer with a hammer, and havent played to game for well over a year, missed it at first but now i just think fucking hell what was i thinking!

Recently picked up a new hobby, building and painting airfix models, and after a few weeks i went out and spent £400 on all the equipment i need! But my missus loves my new hobby because we can both sit in the frontroom, i can build and paint she can do her stuff and we are constantly chatting with each other, and its been great for us!

If i could change my adfictive personality, i would do it in a heart beat, its awful because i chuck myself in head first with things!

I know its not helpful but i can really see why its hard for you, i guess me and my missus have got lucky that i have a hobby that suits us both!

Lethim........OMG your poor MISSUS. You have some insight into your problem so why don't you just stop? Find some balance in your life. You must be soooooo tedious.

Going at things with a hammer is hardly healthy.

Apt user name ... people can't " just stop" , I've worked in this field for years and have watched people destroy themselves and their families even with massive support and intervenion
.Good luck to you and your partner.

Meant good luck to lethimbloodygrowup ..just don't start sniffing that glue together though ..

I think going at his computer with a hammer is very healthy, actually. What better way to deal with your problem? An intense physical reaction against something like that can be very powerful.

Imperialblether.. it did feel quite good, i kinda felt free from the dam thing!