I've been happily single for 4 years. I date online, in real life and have an active social life. I have no interest in a relationship at the moment, I was married very early in life, i'm now divorced and enjoying myself. I not ashamed to admit that I enjoy sex with different men, one night stands and casual friends with benefits although I usually try to keep it to less than three times as people start getting feelings for each other. I'm not asking for judgement on this, i'm happy with how my life is and all of these men are kept completely separate from my 'real' life, career and children (I have shared residency with their father).
About 3 months ago I met what you call the 'male' equivalent of me. He's a known eligible single man, very charismatic, very good looking, lots of female friends and also happily single.
We met at a party and ended up back at his house that night. The sex was out of this world. I got up afterwards and left like I always do. We've slept with each other off and on now for 6 months. Previous to this month we didn't really text or call just bumped into each other in the city and at mutual friends houses.
However...last week we had sex again and something was different. We ended up in bed talking until the sun came up. Rolling around laughing, cuddling, having sex, talking again. I would usually always leave within 30 mins of having sex as a rule. We didn't discuss it the next day. But since then have been texting more heavily. Last night he alluded to the other night and how it was 'everything, just everything'. I haven't replied to it at all.
I get the sense we are both trying to out 'play' each other. He isn't used to women not falling for him and I don't usually go back to the same man this many times. It seems like we're both playing some stupid game of 'no i'm not interested but I bet I can get you to fall for me'.
I want out. I've thought about it this morning and all afternoon, if i'm honest with myself I know i'm falling for him. He is wildly unsuitable for me and me for him. He is not somebody I would have around my children or could imagine in my life long term. But for the first time in a long time I don't seem to just be able to cut him dead. I've done it multiple times before which makes me think i'm already too far in with this one.
I need to go no contact I think. I don't know if I should offer an explanation up to him first or just ghost on him (as horrible as that is).
I know this is bloody childish, silly and I should just give my head a wobble, of all the men I can't believe this one is the one who got under my skin.