Been with H for 18 years, have 2 DC aged 4 and 8. We've been having a lot of problems in our relationship mainly in terms of how finances are dealt with. We are married, I work part time from home on a low wage but convenient job, approx 6.5k a year. We have no local family to help. This in turn enables him to work on his career which involves every day being a very long day (12 to 15 hours a day is not unusual) and lots of travel. He earns around 70k a year. He has, as far as I am aware, savings of an uncertain amount and a pension pot for somewhere between 60 and 75k. I have neither and no way to build them up. He pays the bills and pays for day to day bits and pieces. We have a 'nice life' on the outside. He transfers enough to pay for family food and kindergarten fees every month, I have to cover all else from my salary. If I can't afford something I have to ask him for it. He has form for buying large household items like sofas and tables without asking me what I think about it. I've brought this up time and time again and nothing ever changes. To the point where we are now having counselling and are on the verge of separating. This morning in our session we were talking about finances and how and why it is like it is. He got massively defensive, way more than I ever expected. He really really does not want to share. Our homework this week is to sit down for no longer than 20 minutes and discuss and list what we each have. He has agreed to do this but the resistance in his body language was very noticeable. He says its because he's scared to lose control of it but other than fearing 'it will then be gone' he's not able to give any other good reason. I'm beginning to feel that after such a long time I really don't know him at all. He has never been an emotional person, but today was the first time I've seen him tense up quite like that. I don't know what to think.