It's always been put onto me. "it's your depression, you always think people don't like you"
It isn't. They don't like who I really am. They dismiss/deride/ignore so much of my personality that what's left is absolutely fake. They do it now, when I am nearly 40 & have family of my own. They only like it when I pretend to be someone I am not.
I do have severe depressive disorder but I'm managing it and what came first? This treatment of who I am? Or the depression?
My family always say that I started to be 'difficult' in my early teens. I now believe that in those years my real highly sensitive personality (not DEPRESSION) was coming to light much more and the way I was dealt with created/caused the depression which I admit I am prone to. So maybe not. That bit I'm not sure of.
I can't believe the loyalty and love I have had for these people all this time. I have been there for them all unconditionally for my whole life and to them, if I need them I'm an inconvenience, a bad person or generally dramatic and self indulgent. I want to be out but I know I can't.
Then I go & choose a husband who treats me exactly the same.