Hi.
I started a new account as I post on MN occasionally.
Some views on this please.
I’ve been with my partner for a year, we’re very much in love and happy together for the most part. I get on with her kids & friends really well, we enjoy our time together and have lots in common, support the same football team, things like that. There’s something that’s bothering me though.
She seems WAY too keen on chasing about with other men. I get that most people can see other people are attractive, fancy someone on TV etc and I don’t have an issue with that, but she seems to be drawn to men based on attraction and seems to see no issue in starting conversations with people on facebook etc, being very flirty and generally just giving off a vibe of being available. If we go out together it seems like she wants to put distance between us, she won’t dance with me or show affection etc. She openly admits to flirting with other people, but it does seem to go beyond harmless chat/having a laugh with someone.
Throughout the last year I’ve slowly found out the following things
She had an affair with a colleague (started flirting, then meeting him outside work knowing there was a mutual attraction etc, telling her husband at the time they were just friends etc then it got physical)
She told me she thought she was pregnant early on and it might not have been mine
She wants contact with a guy who she describes as “her weakness”, who used her (and also had a girlfriend and kids) for sex for along time. She told me he was amazing in bed (which I didn’t want to know, at all!)
She’s incredibly secretive with her phone
She blatantly checks other men out and if they approach is very happy to chat away with them. It’s not a cheeky glance, it’s “hey, come over here” eyes.
She tells me there’s nothing in it and it’s just harmless fun, but after only recently finding most of this stuff out (after completely falling for her) I’m starting to feel like I’m going to get hurt. Bringing it up isn’t an option, she instantly calls me jealous and gets hetty about it. I’m not jealous and I’m perfectly happy that she has male friends, I just think communicating physical interest in someone else is a massive red flag, especially so early in a relationship.
Is this the bad sign I think it is? It probably seems obvious from reading above but when you’re in the middle of a situation like this it’s hard to make a judgement. It feels like she wants the security of being with me (she was cheated on and knows I have little interest in other people) but wants the excitement of chasing other people.