So, very long story short, I have 2 dc, age 6 and 12. My eldest sees her dad but the youngest is NC with hers. Her father was very abusive to me and it's taken a long time to rebuild my life and feel kind of ok in myself again.
I don't have much in the way of family support, and dd2 doesn't really have any friends (suspect ASD). So she never gets asked on play dates or to parties or anything. She can be so lovely when she wants to be but she is totally exhausting, she never runs out of energy and she drains me.
I've been on a few dates over the last few years, some of which have developed into relationships. They have all ended, I fear, because of the situation with dd2. Here's a brief synopsis of what happened:
Bloke 1. Really liked him. He was successful, funny, into loads of the same things as me. Had 2 daughters of his own who he was absolutely besotted with, and his life revolved around them. I think he started to wobble about everything when dd2 was clearly getting attached to him. She really thought he was the bees knees (she was 3-4 at the time). I think dd2 not having a dad at all freaked him out, like it would somehow be taking something away from his own kids if he was going to step into that role with dd2.
Bloke 2. Again, I was super keen on him. He had a dd the same age. His dd and my dd would scrap like small children do and he just couldn't handle it. He'd get really stressed out which in turn would stress me out. He blamed my dd for it all, to be fair it probably was mostly her that started it but his dd was no angel. The crunch point came when he decided he didn't want to come on holiday with us because he found dd2 too stressful. I didn't really see a way forward from that and ended it.
Bloke 3: was super duper keen right up until he met dd2, then went distinctly cold. I think the lack of me having any time away from her to go and do stuff was a problem too.
Before anyone gasps in horror that dd2 has been introduced to all these men, it has been over a 3 year period. I have very limited options for getting time away to date and so once I have made up my mind that I would definitely be interested in Persuing a relationship with someone, it is inevitable that she is going to have to meet them Before too long as my mum will have her for a night very rarely but that is literally the extent of my options.
I feel that in the situation I'm in, it's very unlikely that anyone is going to come along who is really up for accepting me and my situation as it is. But I am so lonely and so fed up with being on my own. I'm not getting any younger (or prettier!) and feel that time is running out to find someone. I'm not looking for a dad for her, just someone who I can have a laugh with at the end of the day and share my life with. I am nursing my hurt feelings after bloke 3 at the moment, and so down that every time I open up to someone and develop feelings for them they invariably shit on me. I'm not sure I can go through that again.
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I'm going to be alone forever aren't I?
15 replies
hooveringhamabeads · 30/08/2016 22:41
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