Do you feel 'appreciated' by your DP/DH?

[DetentionGrrrl]

I know my DP loves me, and he has never told me what to wear / do / say etc, and he treats me well.

HOWEVER! I really don't think he appreciates how much i do. He certainly never tells me. And last night, after i had a really hard day with DS, he comes home from work and gets himself a drink without thinking to ask if i want one. Then DS was grumpy, so i turned to DP and said that i thought he might want a snack. DP agreed that was the case, then carried on watching telly, so i was the one who had to take him into the kitchen and give him one. Grrr!

And when he asks what i'm sulking for, and i tell him i feel unappreciated, i get little or no response, other than that he'd wanted to watch Deal or No Deal. I despair! I tell him that he's a great dad, pay him compliments etc, and i get bugger all back!

Anyway...rant over.

I just reckon men think differently from us.

I'm sure he really does appreciate you but whereas us girlies actually do think of telling our partners that, it's just not in some mens vocabulary. And it's not because they don't think it, it's just because they don't realise we need to hear it sometimes.

Sometimes, you actually need to look him straight in the eye and ask him (nicely) to go prepare a snack (or whatever it is). Your subtlety was obviously too subtle for him.

Men work on instructions given clearly and precisely, not intuition like us!

Also, never sulk at him. When you're feeling unappreciated, again, tell him directly and calmly that you need him to do this, that or the other. He'll appreciate you telling him exactly what he has to do and you will benefit too!

Good luck!

Oh yes, I know this feeling all too well. I work full time. DH never picks up the childcare when he gets home from work. Just goes off and does his thing until I put the kids to bed and prepare his dinner.

So, a couple of nights ago I'd had enough. I went upstairs about 30 minutes before dinner and said "the chef is on holiday so there's no dinner tonight" I did make myself a lovely salad though.

Could you have a night/weekend away with your friends and leave him to it on his own with DS??
That might make him realise how much you actually do!

Or go on strike for a week in the house?!

Talking it through with him when DS is in bed could be a good option. So you can really explain that now and again you would like to feel appreciated, be complimented back etc etc. But if he won't listen then try one of the first 2 options!

Oh yes. I find if I am not in the house, he will pick up the work and take care of the kids. But the second I set foot inside the house, he believe his shift has ended.

Weekends away are my reward for tolerating this behaviour.

Hey, we could have a "my DH isn't pulling his weight with the kids / housework" meet-up.

That's what baffles me- i can see when things need doing, and he often doesn't. If i ask him if he ''could please do 'X' for me'' he always does without complaint- it's just i have to ask.

And he was unusually selfish yesterday. He's not a bad fella by any means, it's just it would be nice to get told that ironing his shirts and making his lunch is appreciated, or that i'm doing a good job.

Ah well. I've told him i want him to cook for me tomorrow night, so i'm having one of his spectacular curries

mylittlestar- he does have him from time to time for a few hours. And i know he's sometimes found it hard- but he has a short memory i think!

I'm probably making him sound dreadful, when he isn't. He always baths DS with me without being asked for example.

And i'm definately not ready to leave DS with anyone overnight! (Not even DP!)

I see what you mean!

Emma (below) is probably right - men just don't work on intuition do they!

The curry is a good start

He sounds like a lovely bloke too

Perhaps just print this thread out and leave it lying around

Women are from Venus... men are from the local tip.

mine just promises the world and never does it thinks he's the best hubby in the world for loading the dishwasher.

i stupidly don't do the things like oh i'll do that love and it never gets done.

then he moans he does everything and can never find anything as it is never in the same place ...men.... sho needs them then he snores and keeps me away all night. married bliss yeah right!

mine just promises the world and never does it thinks he's the best hubby in the world for loading the dishwasher.

i stupidly don't do the things like oh i'll do that love and it never gets done.

then he moans he does everything and can never find anything as it is never in the same place ...men.... sho needs them then he snores and keeps me away all night. married bliss yeah right!

Ummm yes he does, sort of. I mean if he had to appreciate everylittle thing I did he's be forever flat on the floor kissing my feet. I'd get bored of him saying how grateful he was that I emptied the dishwasher again after a while.
But he often tells me what a great mum I am, he is always very appreciative and grateful for his dinner, he'll gush with thanks and kiss me when he asks have I seen his jeans as he needs to wah them and I point out they've been washed and are hanging up.
Every now and then if I feel he hasn't vocalised that I am an amazing hardworking domestic Goddess that I do sit him down and jog his memory for him!