*However you do it, divorce will not be amicable. He will be OUTRAGED at your unreasonableness, your paranoia and your " deception " . He will call you controlling and suggest that you want to lock him up and stop him ever speaking to another woman. He will accuse you of breaking up the family and running your children's lives .
You need to understand that he feels COMPLETELY ENTITLED to behave the way he does. You can't change that about him . It's a core part of his belief system*
^^ This is very true. Even if you think he will be amicable, it will spin on a dime the moment you tell him it's over. Be careful to, as when I told my first husband it was over, he got violent.
My first husband was JUST like yours. They don't change. We were together 20 years. His next serious relationship - he cheated on her too. Now he's alone, the twat.
Regards Money : You may be surprised what you are entitled to. You have to see a Solicitor and get a Separation Agreement drawn up, Your Sol will send that to his Sol for agreement.
You are entitled to half his Pension. So, let's say his Pension pot is currently valued at £120,000 and yours is valued at £50,000....this means the total pot is £170,000, so that's £85,000 each, meaning that he has to pay you £35,000. Now obviously he can't give you his Pension, so, he has to give you cash instead. This is normally taken into account when the house is sold and the equity divided (ie. you get more than him).
You are entitled to "Economic Recompense" if you have taken a back seat in your career, to bring up your son, thus enabling him to carry on unhindered in his career. I didn't pursue that, so don't know how you'd come to a figure on that.
You may be entitled to Tax Credits when you split.
Child Benefit is always paid to Mum.
He will have to pay child support.
Your council tax will reduce by 25%, as lone adult in the house.
I think I'd be tempted to get the Separation Agreement drawn up, before you tell him.
But certainly I wouldn't go on holiday with him. Tell him to stay at home and use the time to sort out a solicitor for himself.
You will feel a weight has lifted, when you no longer have to fish about looking for evidence. I also downloaded spyware, but didn't bother using it in the end. I knew already, so why torture myself?
Fwiw, I met my DH only 2 months after I left first H. He is loyal, trustworthy and I am as sure as I can be, that he would never cheat. You deserve the same. And, my kids (aged 9 & 11 at the time) managed with the split ok. It's not all plain sailing (of course), but it's ok. Try to keep everything else the same, if you can, avoid moving schools etc. I told mine they could get an X box for the new house and much wanted fish....bribery I suppose, but it helped having stuff to look forward to at the new house. Oh and we also got a dog!
Good luck. x