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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is time running out for me?

22 replies

dropintheocean · 31/01/2007 21:13

I had my two children very young, I'm 26 now and have a 9 and 7 year old. When I had my kids I was very unprepared for it both mentally and physically only I didnt realise it at the time, its only when I look back and realise how bad things were. I never enjoyed the kids' "babyhood' like I shouldve done, mainly because I was trapped in a horrible relationship at the time with their father.

But now I've been single for nearly 4 years, I've spent alot of time on my own (which I've loved!), I've gotten my independance back, made friends, travelled a little and now when I think about my future I see an "ideal" set up, its the ideal family that I want, a nice man, a decent home for us all and ultimately, another baby...but all done properly this time, marriage, honeymoon, enough money to buy everything we need...

But realistically I'm 26 now, even if I meet Mr Right next year It would be at least another year after that I even considered marriage/children so all in all I'm going to be hitting my late twenties...and thats IF I meet someone next year which in itself is quite unlikely!

So is time running out for me? is it unlikely that I'll have another child now? unrealistic? should I class myself as having "done" the mum thing and concentrate on other hopes and dreams? Or could I still get my lovely man and another baby, despite approaching my 30's?

OP posts:

brandnewhelsy · 31/01/2007 21:15

Good grief, don't you read the threads on here? There are loads of people who had children in their thrities. I met DH at 32 after lots of crap relationships, had children at 35 and 39.

Surfermum · 31/01/2007 21:18

No, time isn't running out. At the age of 36 I left my partner of 12 years as he didn't want children. Also left my job, sold my house, left my friends behind and moved area. Two years later, at 38 I married dh and at 41 had dd. I was definitely cutting it a bit fine but I don't think you are.

Crazydazy · 31/01/2007 21:19

I had my children at 28 and 30 - I felt I was still too young then.

Many women have children later these days. At least you will have "little helpers" next time around.

sahmtotwo · 31/01/2007 21:34

Good grief missus your a spring chicken. Met my husband at 30. DS1 at 38, DS2 at 40 and now expecting DC3 at 42. There is definatly hope lol. Take a deep breath and just enjoy your life and see what comes your way. What will be, will be.

Merlin · 31/01/2007 21:39

Another 'late developer' here too!!! Second marriage at 38, DS1 at 39 and DS2 at 42.

You have tons of time yet - just enjoy the time with your children and the fun of finding someone new - there will be someone out there for you!

ginnedupmummy · 31/01/2007 21:40

Message withdrawn

catsmother · 31/01/2007 21:41

I was thinking like you are ... "IF I meet someone, IF we hit it off, it'll take xxx years to get serious/move in/have kids, I'll be xxx by then, can I still have kids" etc etc ................. when I was 36 !!!

I already had one child of 11 but had never had the opportunity to have another. I couldn't see how it could/would be done.

But now, at 42, I have a 3 year old too, as well as a now almost 17 year old. I had her just before I was 39, so was really cutting it fine.

At 26 though, you have your whole life ahead of you. I'd say that you have at least 14 years of childbearing ahead of you, maybe more.

My advice would be to do whatever it is you want and can do hopes and dreams wise. You still have plenty of time for a child as well.

Original poster

dropintheocean · 31/01/2007 21:42

Thanks for the replies feeling a bit better about it now...out of curiosity where did you all meet your second DH's? I never seem to meet anyone that isnt old enough to be my dad or too young to even consider...where do all the nice 30 somethings hide? lol

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 31/01/2007 21:44

slight LOL at 14 years of childbearing ahead!

I remember thinking that time was running out when I was 26, hence marriage to my first husband - NOT a good idea. Met dh when I was 35, ds same year (whoopsy). My sister is having number 2 aged 42, not having met her partner until she was 39.

Merlin · 31/01/2007 21:45

Dropintheocean - mine was a blind date set up by sister!

Coolmama · 31/01/2007 21:47

my fist marriage at 34 and DS at 36 - absolute bliss - so am not quite sure what it is that you are panicked about -
and my sister met her second husband at 38 - married at 40 and 6 years later, still happily married!

alipiggie · 31/01/2007 21:50

Well a the ripe old age of 41 (42 in 6mnths) I am just round the corner from single parenthood and I live in hope that somewhere out there there's a man for me (and my darling ds's). Doubt I'll have any more children, unless of course he brings some with him . Don't worry though. You've plenty of time to find true happiness.

nikkie · 31/01/2007 21:54

Dropinthe-all the 30yos are with 21yos IME

lizziemun · 31/01/2007 22:07

I was 29 when i met dh he was 27 on a blind date. I knew the day i met him he was mr right i had been single and happy for 8 years and wasn't looking for anyone.

We got engaged 6 weeks later and married after 2 years.

Had dd when i was 35yrs and now 3yrs later and pg again.

I have to say at 26yrs i was no where near ready to get married or have children.

I would have to say stop looking for Mr Right and just enjoy yourself and you will find him.

Surfermum · 31/01/2007 22:29

I met dh through being a volunteer lifeguard. He was in the club I joined when I moved after splitting up with xp. Xp was one too, in fact 5 out of my 6 boyfriends have been lifeguards! Where are you? Maybe I can point some in your direction!!

tinkerbellie · 31/01/2007 22:55

my mum and dad met when my mum was 27 and my dad 31 and now they have been married 27 yrs !!

ginnedupmummy · 31/01/2007 22:56

Message withdrawn

QueenEagle · 31/01/2007 23:04

I had 3 kids by the time I was 26, marriage failed, spent 5 years as a single parent, then met dh, had 2 kids with him when I was 332 and 34, youngest now 2 and about to go out to a full timejob for the first time in 15 /16 years and earn some decent dosh.

Too late - NEVER!

madamez · 31/01/2007 23:38

Well, mecidal science can apparently sort you out at least within the realms of possiblity up until 60-, so don;t panic yet.
More realistically, my cousin had her second DS (without IVF or any other assistance) at 46 and my DS was completely unplanned and unexpected just before I turned 40.

(indeed, the flipside of this is: Ladies, don't assume that just because you're over 35 you're dried up and won't have any more DCS without a lot of fiddling with ovulation charts... all it took me was one night and subsequent morning of cheerfully not-that-careful bonking.)

sahmtotwo · 01/02/2007 00:03

Dropintheocean I met DH at work and he is 9 years younger than me

lizziemun · 01/02/2007 08:10

QueenEagle

332 was this how old you felt or do you mean 32yrs.

Sakura · 01/02/2007 09:12

Im 26, and Ive just got married and had my first DD and am (so far) doing and enjoying the married life family thing.

I felt I was extremely young at 25 (when I got pregnant). MOst women I know arent considering settling down untill their thirties. I feel a bit of an eccentric among my peers getting married so "young". So my point is, youVe got LOADS of time.

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