I will preface this by saying I do have mental health issues relating to a tough childhood. My parents were quite angry and hit me a bit more than was probably normal, and I grew up feeling afraid and thinking I was never good enough. I have had psychotherapy for this and take medication.
My son is 16 months old. My partner (his dad) also has depressive tendencies but I'm finding it hard to deal with the way he speaks to our boy. In fairness, our son is a bit difficult sometimes - won't lie still for a nappy change, throws his dinner about, throws toys, reasonably normal stuff I think.
My partner often reacts to this by shouting at him and swearing ("fucking stop it" and the like) and I've asked him again and again not to - I've got a bit of a potty mouth myself but I don't shout or swear at our son in anger.
My partner's argument is that he can't help it, and he's got to get his frustration out somehow - in his head it seems to be a choice between shouting or repressing all his feelings. I will add that we're not in danger, he has never hurt either of us.
I've tried asking him calmly, I've threatened to leave and not let him see our son, but nothing helps. I don't want him growing up like me - afraid of everyone and everything and basically feeling sub-human.
TL:DR - I don't know if I'm being over the top about this, if I'm letting my own sorry history affect my relationship with my boy's dad. What level of shouting is normal? How do I deal with this?