Feeling down after split

[LippyLiz]

Me and H split up this week, it's been a long time coming due to his affair over last 6 months. I've been ok but these last couple of days I've felt emotional and end up in tears every so often. I ended it, know I'll be / am better off without him. I know my house is happier. I know I will no longer face the constant insecurity and mistrust issues which I largely kept to myself. I know all of this. It's still not helping me mourn the loss of what could've been, or the fact that I miss the old him at the moment. Knowing he's 'missing us' does not help either. Sorting out finances at mo which makes me feel sick.

Think I should improve when I'm back at work on Tuesday (I'm on annual leave) and back in a routine even though I don't feel like it.

Liz like everyone is saying just take it one day at a time. Routine definitely does help which I have found. Don't worry about things like decluttering. Just worry about yourself. I spent several weeks doing the bare minimum. Made sure the kids and me had clothes to wear and food to eat and that was it. Anything else was just too much. The house looked like a bomb had gone off! It is only in the last 2 weeks that I have felt that I could do other stuff. I am getting stuff cleared out and actually making significant progress that I would not have done if I had tried to do it a few weeks ago. It is still hard though. I am finding it difficult to get everything done on my own. I no longer have someone to help with the garden or to do 'heavy' lifting type things. Or to help when one of the DCs are having a tantrum, screaming and in tears and all you want to do is cry yourself. But I am finding that I am wanting to cry less and I am sure you will too. It's all part of the process. Hang on in there.

It's been over a year since me and the ex split up. I cried for approx 4 months (seriously!) and still have extremely down moments now. Have been to doctors, talked to people, stayed in bed, got out of bed, logged out of Facebook ... Anything really to make me feel better. Which invariably doesn't work but I'm trying and I'm finding the whole thing horrible. Teeny weeny upsides but it's so much harder than I thought.

Good luck and don't rush yourself with getting back to "normal". I know that I've changed in ways that I'm incapable of going back to who I was before. Sigh!!!!!!!!

Yes I've changed too. I saw photos of me a few years ago with big wide teeth bearing smiles compared with photos in the last year of small mouth closed smiles. I hadn't realised that although I smiled, it looked a sad kind of smile. I am now practising my wide toothy smile again. It doesn't look natural

I feel just like you. My partner of ten years broke up with me 4 weeks ago at a wedding of all places! The first week was hell, the second was spent on a holiday we had booked as a family, only my son and I went. The fourth week was spent soul searching, setting up my new house - lots of change of address and planning. Thus weekend has been hell as the reality of moving out of his house has hit me. It's bank holiday and my son is away with friends, I've felt lonely and sad and all while still living in his house. I fell apart while playing golf and just broke into tears, o just don't know when it's going to happen, usually when i remember the good times. Best to park these memories for now and just focus on what a horrible man he has been and how you are better off without him.

Luckily he has given me space and stayed away. He is very angry and resents me being in his house, I'm moving out in two weeks. Next week will be better, I'm going to make it so. I'm planning lots of things to do with friends so that I have things to look forward to. I'm also planning a big project at work and sone home improvements.
My advice us to try and keep busy, don't dwell on old memories, remember what ge has done to you, be angry, have a cry and write down all the amazing things you can now do without him and also new don't have to go for him- washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning!!!!

At a wedding, poor you!

I agree being busy is key, unfortunately I've just not been motivated this weekend. I'm sure tomorrow will be better.

I've got a slight uneasy feeling that H is with OW who he hasn't seen since June. He's normally frantically texting DD but not this afternoon or evening. That to me suggests he's preoccupied. It's the first day I've not checked his Twitter and I'm proud. Day one done. Roll on day two.

You will have good days and bad days. I remember I used to feel worse at weekends seeing couples and families out together; something you wouldn't normally notice, but it's magnified when you are without your partner, but then again I used to feel thankful when I spent time with friends who would be going through some drama with their DH/DP, and knowing that you can now please yourself without the stresses of surviving in an unhappy relationship. It's very very early days for you, so be prepared for the long haul.

im so sorry to hear that honey :( focus on you and your family, they will get you through these hard times. You can honestly say it's his loss, and if you feel like crying, just cry, it's normal! No one could expect any more of you during these hard difficult times, but that's just it, time is a healer xx best of luck xx