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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HELP for a woman in love!

16 replies

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 18:14

sorry for the really long story but basically i am massively in love with a man, well call him Scott.

I met him through mutual friends last summer, and he asked me out a couple of times, and i was a bit nervous to go out with him as i didn't know him very well. Anyway, we ended up going out with the group a lot and spending time together, and I spept with him a few times.

On the last occassion i slept with him, we were very drunk and the next morning he got up and left to go to work (we were at his house) and when i got up i was runing really late for work myself. I noticed that through the night i had got my period and there was some blood on the sheets. I KNOW i should really have attemted to clean this up but i was really going to be late for work and at the time was on a bit of a warning for lateness so really couldnt be late..

Anyway, next thing was i called him and asked him if he wanted to meet up for a drink (few days later) and basically he said no. He then barely spoke to me apart from when he had to. I see him a lot as we have the same friends, at least once a week. We have seen each other a lot more recently, just as friends and always 'in the group' never on our own. We get on very well, and the other night we were all out and me and him went back to his and i ended up staying the night, but i slept in his bed and he slept on the sofa.

AND there is a large age gap and one time he told me he had a bit of an issue with it as i am a lot younger than him. He knows that it does not bother me.

The other problem is that one of his best friends and i are very close, and he recently admitted he was in love with me. He and Scott have been friends for years and i think scott may even think something is going on with me and him, but there isnt. Also, the other guy makes comments that he thinks the age gap is too big..

Also, scott has been seeing other people. I havent even kissed another man since him.

I dont know what to do. I thought that over time i would get over him but i cant. I am so in love with him it is really getting me down. I dont know what to do. I dont even know what i am asking here i just really need to talk about it. Unfortunately some of the people he has been seeing are friends of friends so i cant really talk about it with anyone! Do you think maybe he just went off me? was using me? it was the period incident? or the age gap? is it my DS that is the problem? (he never realy asks about him but seems interested when i talk about him..)

If anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it. I feel so lost and stupid.

OP posts:
oxocube · 31/01/2007 18:20

what do you love about him?

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 18:25

Everything.. he is cheeky, arrogant, confident, funny, sexy, friendly, popular, beautiful, great fun, SUPER cool, his job is exactly what i want the person i am with to do, (trying not to say too much about him just incase someone works it out!!)

EXACTLY my type of guy.. i like bad boys but nice bad boys, if you know what i mean.

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wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 31/01/2007 18:39

but does he feel the same?

I think there are two possibilities here.

Either he just doesn't feel the same, and as harsh as this may sound you were just a bit of fun.

or

as his best mate is "in love" with you he doesn't feel that it would be right to pursue something with you out of loyalty to his friend.

I think the fact he slept on the couch the other night speaks volumes tbh, especially given the history between you previously.

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 18:45

Thats what i thought.

But then i thought maybe he didnt want to come through and get into the bed incase i didnt want that? i think maybe he thinks i'm not interested..

BUT then the other dasy the friends of ours who is in love with me said 'i know you are still hung up on scott', apparenty its my body language?! so if he has worked it out, surely scott has too?

Maybe he is simply not interested but i'm not sure.. whenever we are out i catch his eye looking at me all the time.. oh i just dont know.

I feel like a bloody schoolkid. I havent been like this since i was a bloody schoolkid!

OP posts:
Coolmama · 31/01/2007 18:48

I would "cut and run" - from an emotional point of view. -
This may be harsh, but if he wanted to be with you, he would make that happen, regardless of any other issue.

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 19:03

I know. I have tried to but every time i see him i want him more. And when i dont see him, i think about him and its driving me crazy!!!

OP posts:
Isyhan · 31/01/2007 19:11

Ah but dont we always want the ones we just cant have?

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 19:17

YES!!

And i think that the reason i feel like this is because i cant have him! it i got him i probably wouldnt want him anymore!!

BUT that feeling isnt going to go away until it happens i guess..

OP posts:
Coolmama · 31/01/2007 19:21

Ole Blunt Voice here again - every time you think of him, remember that he is not thinking of you - unfortunately ugly, but true.

LoveMyGirls · 31/01/2007 19:25

Why can't you be honest with him? i think if i'm in love with someone i'd like to think one of the things i would love would be the fact i can talk to him about anything and everything - honesty is very important in any relationship even friendships imo.

If you can't face talking face to face what about a casual email?

Something like......

Hi,
I don't know if you have noticed and are ignoring it for whatever reason(?) but I would like to spend more one to one time with you as i think you're confident, funny, sexy, friendly, popular, beautiful, great fun, intelligent and great in bed (unless he was crap ) Would you like to meet up for a drink sometime soon?

Much love
TM

Bobalina · 31/01/2007 19:31

Gosh, I know this is harsh but a friend once handed me a book when I was in a similiar situation. The book's called, "He's Just Not Into You!". Take a look.

Sometimes we want to see things that maybe aren't really there.

If he wants you, believe me, he'll come.

tommysmama · 31/01/2007 19:31

CoolMama - i know what you mean but im just not sure thats true - eg he was away for a few days a while back and brought me back a wee present - it was just a silly think but still. And when i went away for a few days a couple of weeks ago the first thing he asked when he saw me was how was my trip. Now i was only away for 3 days and was surprised that he remembered.. so think maybe ho does think of me somethimes at least.

LoveMyGirls - i would love to send him a message like that, but hes not really into talking on text and doesnt have email. I could call him but i am far too scared of the knockback as things have only just got back to us being friends in the last month or so as we barely spoke before for weeks..

And i like the way things are now when we are getting on well.

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tommysmama · 31/01/2007 19:36

Bobalina - you are so right. maybe i am seeing things that arent really there.

If he wants me he WILL come.

Thank you. All i have to do is keep things as they are and keep being friends and dont spoil it by bringing it all up again. I shall wait for him to come to me, and if its not meant to be, im sure i will meet someone else while i'm waiting, and that will get me over him!

And believe me, he's worth the wait.

OP posts:
Bobalina · 31/01/2007 19:41

I think that's the right decision tommysmama. Ive made an absolute fool of myself in the past where men are concerned. If only I'd realised then that if they are interested they will come running when you go the other way. If not, your dignity is still intact and it's his loss. Good luck!

Aloha · 31/01/2007 19:44

Men who are into you will chase you to the end of the earth.

tommysmama · 01/02/2007 00:34

Your right - and he did! When we first got together it was all him.. but then things got complicated. oh well. i feel a lot better now knowing thst i need to just wait.. although i'm sure i can give fate a helping hand along the way! i'll be playing it cool but not too cool, and eventually he'll be chasing me again!

Thanks everyone x

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