Don't know how to explain this properly, but I wonder if anyone can relate. My mum, ever since I was small, just seems to find me expressing any feelings almost unbearable. So recently I was upset about something quite serious and discussed it with her, but simple got a barrage of 'that's nothing to be upset about', 'I've been through worse', 'you must be really sensitive'. Sometimes she'll even shout at me and start crying loudly about her own problems to deflect. I don't know where this weird trait comes from.
As a child she did the same. When I was being bullied at school she told me I needed to grow a thicker skin and kept on about how my school dramas were making her 'a nervous wreck' (interestingly she did go in to school and speak to my teacher about the bully, but she never acknowledged the seriousness of the bullying to me).
Most memorably, when my marriage was breaking down and I sat talking it through with my dad (who is helpful), she barged in and tried for 5 minutes to talk me out of it 'you'll find someone else', 'I've been through divorce too and I'm fine' etc. When I was noticeably still upset, she suddenly swept all the ornaments off the mantelpiece in a fit of anger and screamed 'I can't fucking take this! This is killing me'.
I'd like to be generous and say she just loves me so much she finds my sadness unbearable, but there's a nasty quality to it all. It's like she feels upstaged or something?
It's like my feelings only exist to make her feel bad or trouble her. I'm nearly 40 now so the obvious answer is to stop going to her with my problems, but I just can't seem to.