Slept with ex! Feel so stupid and angry with myself!

[shenry25]

I was on here a few weeks ago asking for advice and I think I've messed up yet again! (Story of my life!)
My ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago and we didn't contact each other until last Saturday when he sent me a message to see how things were. We were texting for a while then we chatted on the phone. He told me how much he'd missed talking to me and being with me. He then called down to my house where we chatted for a good hour or so. Then we had sex. I know I shouldn't have until the issues between us had been completely ironed out. Now I feel stupid. The next morning he said we really need to figure out the "state of play" between us. He said he did want more and that things have to and will change between us. Basically we had broke up because our relationship had essentially devolved into FWB's, my family thought I deserved better and decided to message him (my mum and cousin.) He had agreed at the time that I was better off without him etc and I didn't hear from him until last week. He said he didn't care what my family think. He has feelings for me and really cares about me.
Unfortunately now I am no further forward as to where I stand. I have been texting him through the week and have had some replies. Not as much as I like. He rang me on Sunday to see how I was doing because he felt bad not replying much. I know he works a lot and I respect that but I really need to know if we can make this work! I'm thinking of texting him and telling him we need to sort this out now because I can't take anymore being left in limbo. I do care about him but it has to work two ways. I can't be the only one making all the effort all the time. It's tiring and it's wearing me down all the time. If he wants to be with me, then he's going to have to man up.
What do I do now?

Hes using you. Bin.

I know in my heart that what you's are saying is true! Like I said, I feel so stupid! I fully plan on sorting this all out this weekend because I can't keep going on being messed around like this! I'd be happy with a whole friends with benefits situation if I knew where I stood but he can't even tell me that!

Would you really though? Or are you just trying to convince yourself of that because you hope in time he might change his mind and it will become more? Because that won't happen. You're just going to get hurt.

I honestly don't know! 😕 He told me he can't deny he wants more from us but his actions just aren't showing that at all! The only person that can really fix this is me. By setting down exactly what I want and moving on one way or another.

The only person that can really fix this is me. By setting down exactly what I want and moving on one way or another.

What? Do you not think he already knows??

I'm sorry, because I've been there, but you're being played. You're just an option, a distraction, a stop-gap. And FWB won't work. Someone always wants more, and that will be you. Already is, I reckon. Don't text him again. And if he does bother texting you, don't fall for the bullshit he's spinning you, because that's exactly what it is.

I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt to be honest OP. It sounds to me that he has realised that you need to move things forward and that you could be in a proper committed relationship. I think if you are prepared to lay your cards on the table and tell him you would like to give a relationship a proper go and he agrees then go for it! Good luck OP :-)

I don't really understand what you mean RedMapleLeaf?

I have told my mum to fuck off. Several times. He has blocked them cos I asked him too.

Thanks StirredNotShaken! That's the most positive thing I've been told! :) I do want to lay my cards on the table and just have an honest chat with him. At the end of the day, we are both adults.

He may well miss you. He may well care about you. What he doesn't want, however, is to commit to you. He is happy to put the relationship on a more casual footing. If you're not, then delete and block.

I don't really understand what you mean RedMapleLeaf?

I mean that he knows what you want already, he can see what you want and what crumbs you will settle for.

I do want to lay my cards on the table and just have an honest chat with him.

But you spent hours talking the other day. He says "I can't keep away from you" you hear, "I want to be with you". And then you have sex. How's he been since then? Did he stop over? Did you go out for brunch together?

He already knows what you want. He also knows that if he spouts enough bullshit, you'll fall for it.

Have you seen How to be single? There's a scene in it where one guys says "girls only heat what they want to hear" and then spouts some crap to a girl to prove it. That scene is so, so true, and this is a perfect example of it.

We have all been there, which is why we are all telling you, to stop being stupid, and tell him to get fucked. One day, you'll thank us for it.

Don't beat yourself up. It is easy to make a mistake. Just don't repeat it. He'll honestly just mess you around more

He did stay over that night and went home the next afternoon. We did talk a lot and both decided that we need to set in stone where we stand and soon. Neither of us have brought it up since. I think I'm just a bit worried about how to bring it up without being blunt.

Well it doesn't sound as catastrophic as some are suggesting. You need to just be blunt, have that conversation, then you will know, both of you will know, exactly where you are headed. Good luck shenry25

Thankyou so much ShakenNotStirred! I really do appreciate it!! I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet!