How long shall I wait for a love declaration?

[Annteeta]

I've been seeing this guy for 6 months and 4 weeks ago at a wedding we both declared love for each other. We'd both had a few drinks at the time. Since then he hasn't mentioned the topic. I texted him the following week with 'ILY' and he replied 'me too', I told him again face to face and his reply was 'good' and I said it again last week and he said 'I think I love you too'. Maybe I should have said nothing but can't help wearing my heart on my sleeve. I now feel that I've been 'downgraded' as it seems he's not feeling the same when sober. I would have thought that 9 months into a relationship we should be able to affirm love to each other - or am I being impatient? He's affectionate and attentive otherwise and stays with me 3 nights a week as he lives 50 miles away.

Only 9 months?

If you're going to live 50 or + years with someone, it's ok to get to know them for a few years, have ups and downs before you commit.

It's called due diligence in business and you should do the same.

Im gonna go against the grain, you have made your feelings clear and told him several times that you love him and he hasnt really reciprocated it sober, after 9 months I would question his intentions, if he doesnt love you then you are both on different pages.
However he may be just one of those men that dont say it often even though he feels that way.
I honestly think if after 9 months of he doesnt then he just isnt into you in the same way.

Stop pressuring him! It must feel really uncomfortable. Just relax and give it time. Things are going well and you like each other a lot. Is he a flowery talker and tactile? No, probably not. Does he go out of his way for you and behave like he's really into you? Probably yes.

Relax.

Time to move on I think.

I don't think you are being hard work, as you are posting her vs spilling all this to him. Agree people have different ways of expressing things though and would just leave it for now as anyone hates feeling pressured. Focus on your own feelings and what's making you happy / less happy in your relationship and beyond

I'm really surprised so many people think you're pressurising him! I could understand it if you'd been together, say, 3 months, but after 9 months he should know whether or not he loves you.

Are some people on here quite young? Real love is an action not cheap words dished around. Focus on how he treats you.

We said it the first time we met, following significant texting, talking, laughing and worrying about what would happen when we met. Then we both became extremely bewildered, and almost ran! Intense, but not normal for either of us.
I love that we both knew we were in love before we'd seen one another naked. We say it to one another constantly, and if one of us stopped saying it, it would indicate a problem.
I love him. He loves me. It's a revelation to me, and somehow those words don't seem to be enough.
If someone says it, then withholds it, that indicates that your DP uses words as weapons. I have known people like this. It isn't normal to say it in a drunken state, repeat it when sober, and then withdraw it.
To then state that he 'thinks' he does, indicates issues. It is controlling you emotionally - lifting you up to drop you down. Some women find that addictive, but it's a game.
Love isn't 'sometimes', or 'maybe'.
For me, this is a huge red flag.

Yep, I understand the irony in relation to my own situation - but we have remained consistent. Emotions continue to escalate. We are not ashamed or afraid of our feelings, and it all feels healthy. No spidey senses screaming 'bullshit' this time.
Wish I'd listened to them in my previous relationships. Please listen to yours.

Cosmic, glad I'm not the only nutter who declared love at first sight. In my defence I was quite pissed and DP was a magnificent kisser!

But after that I would silently whisper it into his arm pit as we went to sleep for several months. It only really cropped up again in the middle of a conversation about his chronic illness and whether I'd be prepared to care for him if he got ill. I said of course, that's what love is. He replied "you know I feel the same way don't you". That was the most special moment, probably more so than the first actual "ILY".

Op the words are not important, it's the feeling behind them that mean something. You say that he is loving and affectionate, so drop the pressure to say those three little words and accept his love in the way he is happy to show it.

In 1993 I went on a first date (Friday 13th August) and he declared undying love. I dumped him the next day. I'm not sure exactly how, but 2 weeks later we got engaged and we are still married 22 years later.

A lot of people on this thread seem to be assuming that he loves you deep down but is terrified of saying it. Sorry, but I don't have much patience with that. If he loves you he should be prepared to put on his big boy pants and tell you so. And if he doesn't - after nine months - I'd give him a few more weeks and then move on. Accept his love in the way he is happy to show it sounds a bit like settling for crumbs left on the table to me.

Could you say more about him staying with you 3 nights a week?

Hoe does that work out ? Do you take turns cooking, shopping, doing housework ? How is he contributing to your bills ?

I'm asking because I'd like to see how well he treats you in other ways, as others have suggested that maybe he's not demonstrative .

Words are actions in my experience.
There is nothing wrong with wearing your heart on your sleeve.
If it doesn't work for you then be prepared to move on.